Dear Sophie,

Does the G-Spot exist?

Yes. And having researched the subject extensively, I can tell you that in very, very close-up pictures they look like rather nice pink sea anemones.

Dear Sophie,

I want to have a G-spot orgasm, but I just haven’t yet. I know I have a G-spot… sex feels very good, but I never seem to approach an orgasm. What should I do???

Hmm. Are you telling me you aren’t having G-spot orgasms when you have sex, or that you aren’t having orgasms at all? And is your statement “I know I have a G-spot” based on personal knowledge, or general theory? SO MUCH CONFUSION.

Let’s see. Yes. I believe the scientific community now generally agrees that all women have G-spots. (I’m not being sarcastic with you—there have been a number of studies on the subject over the years, and a lot of them contradicted one another.) So, all women have G-spots, but not all of them will respond the same way to G-spot stimulation. Some women have mind-blowing orgasms when their G-spots are manipulated, others have smaller orgasms, and still others actually find it a little uncomfortable. Obviously, I can’t know what it will be like for you. It could be that you’ll have your best orgasms in response to other things.

Still, there’s no harm in trying! In the quest for one’s G-spot, it can be helpful to have a partner (although you can also do it yourself). Have the person (or, you know, yourself) insert a finger—lube is optional—into your vagina, and curve it towards your belly button. The G-spot is a spongy, ridged area on the wall of the vagina. Pro tip: the G-spot swells and becomes more prominent when aroused, so the more turned on you are at this point, the easier it will be to find. Also, I mean, if you’re turned on this whole thing will be exponentially more awesome.

In case your whole point was that you weren’t having orgasms during sex at all, I will recommend that somebody be all up on your clitoris while you’re having sex. (If I am being extraordinarily crass, I apologize.) Okay? Somebody should be playing with your clit, please. It could be you, it could be your partner, it could be George Clooney for all I care, but if you are looking for an orgasm, your clit is where it’s at. Girl-on-top is a time-honored position that works for clitoral stimulation. Spooning is also good for manual access, and doggy-style (ugh, I hate that term–can someone please come up with something better?) can work for this purpose as well. Just make sure you’re having orgasms of some kind, G-spot or otherwise; as long as you’re having them, it doesn’t matter how.

Got a problem of your own? Tell me about it at my Formspring.

Sophie Kaner can be reached at [email protected].