Massachusetts Daily Collegian

A free and responsible press serving the UMass community since 1890

A free and responsible press serving the UMass community since 1890

Massachusetts Daily Collegian

A free and responsible press serving the UMass community since 1890

Massachusetts Daily Collegian

Katy Perry is well-endowed

Okay, let’s get one thing straight: Katy Perry’s music is cringe-worthy at its very best. I’d say that’s just my opinion, but honestly it seems like a bit more of an unwritten law – I’m pretty sure it’s the only thing the entirety of our bicameral legislature fully agrees on. All that being said, this rant has nothing to so with musical aesthetics so, for the moment, I am on Perry’s side.

Recently, as everyone and their uncle most likely already knows, a scene in the children’s show “Sesame Street” featuring Perry as a guest star was controversially pulled from airing in a future episode. The scene in question involves Perry singing a cleaned-up version of her hit song “Hot ‘N Cold” with Elmo while running around in a dress-up princess gown. Apparently, the powers-that-be over at “Sesame Street” thought Perry’s outfit didn’t leave enough to the imagination in the cleavage department, and thus deemed it too inappropriate to air.

I won’t patronize the fair readership of The Collegian here. Anyone who reads this has most likely already seen the now infamous scene on YouTube as many times as I have. Judging by the tidal waves of comments on the video, I can’t be alone in thinking they sort of made a mountain out of a mole hill on this one.

Don’t get me wrong; I’m glad “Sesame Street” is still keeping kids’ well-being in mind with their episode content. There is undoubtedly some subject matter that is inappropriate for young children. I don’t think there’s a person out there who would think it a good idea to send Perry – or anyone for that matter – out there in a g-string and couple of pasties for a sing-along aimed at a pre-school demographic. But a plunging neckline on a princess dress is far from a half-nude striptease.

Believe it or not, they’re not exactly concealing some sort of nuclear secret from kids. By the time children are a few years old, I’m pretty sure they grasp that males and females have a notably differing physiological structure. In laymen’s terms, this isn’t the first pair of breasts any given kid has seen, and this won’t be the pair to turn him into a registered sex offender brought to you by the number seven.

Allow me to take you back to a simpler time. The year is 1994, and the dankest show in town was a little production known as Mighty Morphin’ Power Rangers. One of the more memorable parts of the show, besides the usual robotic dinosaur brawls between good and evil, was Kimberly, the pink ranger. Just like her male counterparts in the Power Rangers, Kimberly’s suit was a snazzy number that fit her in a manner that accentuated her physique (at least as much as it possibly could for space ninja battle armor). Even a colorblind kid could tell which one was the pink Ranger. She was the one with hips and breasts. I don’t remember hearing any complaints about the pink Ranger’s outfit. Sure, people complained that the show made teenagers kicking people in the teeth look awesome. But there was never any question of a female Power Ranger suit not leaving enough to kids’ imaginations.

Does anyone really think these basic concepts of human physicality are or should be kept above children? Perhaps a better question is this: Is this really the worst thing being spewed out at impressionable audiences? Lately I’ve noticed a particular commercial that seems to air more than the average ad, despite the fact that it’s one of the more disturbing, in my opinion. If you’ve seen it before, you’ll know exactly what I’m talking about. The commercial itself is advertising a drug whose closest shot to a respectable description lies in the phrase “male enhancement.”

The commercial begins with several people sitting around a conference table, brainstorming how to properly advertise their “male enhancement” product. In the process, they manage to spout off enough painfully obvious sexual innuendo to make Ron Jeremy blush. All of a sudden, a young man bursts into the meeting and apologizes for arriving late. The camera pans down to reveal a young, attractive woman clenched to the man’s lower leg, as the man says, “I’ve been trying to get her off all morning.”

I realize this commercial isn’t targeted at as young of a demographic as “Sesame Street,” but anyone who’s seen the ad can clearly tell it’s targeted at a similarly impressionable demographic: elder teenagers and young adults. I haven’t heard one peep of official grievance about this commercial or any of the other similar ones like it all over television.

So, according to the logic of the higher-ups who are filtering information down your throats via the boob tube, here’s the consensus: If you want a fulfilling, adult relationship, you’re gonna need a pill so as to sustain a four-hour superhuman erection.

But whatever you do, don’t tell your kids that Katy Perry has breasts.

Dave Coffey is a Collegian columnist. He can be reached at [email protected].

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