Dear Sophie,

What do you do if one of your friends asks if you know anyone who would want to be in a threesome and then hints that they want you? It was super awkward and I didn’t know what to say.

I guess that depends on whether you want to partake in said threesome. If you do, you can probably bring it up in a “I am totally joking UNLESS YOU AREN’T” kind of way. However, from your tone I can assume that you aren’t interested. In that case, it’s probably safe to follow your friend’s lead. If you acted like you weren’t into the idea, he/she is likely to be embarrassed and is probably hoping that you can pretend it never happened. And presumably you can do that. Or, if it seems like it would be okay to bring it up and joke about it, that would also be a good way to get over the awkwardness. Whether you want to be part of a threesome or not is your own legitimate decision and I’m sure your friend will be able to respect that without holding it against you.

Dear Sophie,

All right, so what’s the deal with one-night stands? I don’t mind them if you’re safe and it’s not all the time, but some of my friends think they are so trashy! Trashy or not?

I’m a little thrilled that I get to make the final decision on this apparently hot debate. I’m like the Solomon of hookups, y’all. Anyway, I’m with you on this one. Seriously, if you’re being safe about it (physically and emotionally, of course), nobody has the right to judge you. What does “trashy” even mean, anyway? What amount of sex is considered trashy? How many partners? Which positions? It sounds to me like “trashy” just means “You’re having more sex than I have arbitrarily deemed acceptable,” and that reeks of jealousy.

Dear Sophie,

My boyfriend and I go to different schools and he works on weekends, so I barely get to see him. Lately, whenever he visits, all he wants to do is have sex. Sometimes, though, I just want to visit friends or do some work—how do I tell him?

Oh, have some pity on the poor guy. He probably gets pretty horny without you around. If you see him that infrequently, can’t you manage to catch up on your work and hangout time when he’s not around? I think it’s definitely fair for you to insist on some non-sex time alone with him, but if he’s coming up to visit you it seems a little callous to go off gallivanting. Maybe you could also try a compromise: he has to let you do what you want when he comes up to visit, but in return you have to visit him just as often and let him do what he wants. Even if what he wants to do is—oh, horror!—have sex with you.

Dear Sophie,

How does one meet people that he or she doesn’t already know?…Call me shy, but I find it impossible to venture beyond my very comfy group of friends.

One joins clubs and is sociable with the people at those clubs. I know it’s hard to get out there, but UMass has a ton of options, ranging from the downright awesome (like the Theatre Guild, to take a completely unbiased example of a club with which I am in no way involved) to the frankly bizarre (Quidditch Club, I’m looking at you. No, I’m just kidding, I’m not looking at you, please don’t Avada Kedavra my ass). You should definitely be able to find something that fits with your interests, and the great thing is that the people there will already have that in common with you. Talk to people, and don’t be afraid to venture outside your comfort zone a little!

Got a problem of your own? Tell me about it at my Formspring.

Sophie Kaner can be reached at [email protected]