If you’re reading this on Thursday morning, I’m sorry.

The snow, ice and overall winter disaster that’s been the start of this semester is easily the worst in my four years at the University of Massachusetts. We’ve had snow days, ice days and that one rain day in the past, but not so much so early.

And it sucks for everyone.

Keeping track, we had last Tuesday’s afternoon classes canceled and last Thursday and Friday’s morning classes canceled. Somehow no whole days off, regardless of how much my roommates plead for it.

It feels like we’re stuck in that horrible, horrible Nickelodeon movie “Snow Day” and the UMass Administration’s that evil snow driver who’s just doing their job. Who do they think they are, doing their jobs and working tirelessly to give us our education?

Jerks.

Well, I want to be angry. I really do. I went to a high school whose superintendent, according to rumor, wouldn’t cancel school unless he lost his dog in the snow in the morning. Snowy mornings were a cruel ritual of getting up early and watching local news channels slowly scroll towns across the screen, knowing that I rarely had the satisfaction.

But I can’t.

It’s easy to say that it’s dangerous out there (it is). It’s even easier to say that last week was merely mentioning class syllabi (I did on Facebook). But the reality of the matter is that the University is composed of much more than the classes we have to roll out of bed for at 9:30 a.m. There’s maintenance staff and loads of people working in administrative and financial offices. For example, I work in the Controller’s Office, which, according to statistics I’m winging right now, 6.43 percent of UMass students have heard of.

The major deterrent, the safety factor, is a sensitive issue. Luckily, there have not been any major or newsworthy incidents due to snow. But in the administration’s favor, they did realize that the campus was freezing over and shut down the campus. And you know what? It wasn’t that bad, this coming from someone who missed two buses and walked to campus.

For those who had to commute or simply couldn’t make it in, though, it was still syllabus week. Everyone knows what happens in syllabus week. It’s 15 minutes long and involves determining how much you’re going to spend on books.

Students can shout out all the safety issues they want and claim that the first week was useless (read: me last week), but all anyone wants to do is stay in and sleep, watch TV and drink hot chocolate. That’s not a bad thing, unless they cry safety then turn around and call D.P. Dough.

Also, would somebody please think of the children/freshmen? They can only survive on Easy Mac and peanut butter and jelly sandwiches for so long. I mean, I love snow days as much as the next person, especially since I was deprived for so long. But after a while, I really have to get some paperwork signed before add/drop ends.

It’s like the episode of Sesame Street where Elmo wishes every day is Christmas. Oh, it’s awesome at first. But after a month or so, everyone’s bitter and tired of Christmas music. By the next Christmas, it’s apocalyptic, the carolers are destitute and there’s no Christmas spirit.

As awful as it is, the UMass Administration is doing everyone a favor by forcing their lazy bums (including me) to classes instead of letting them stay in and watching Avatar: The Last Airbender (mostly my apartment).

So, I salute you, bitterly, stupid UMass Administration for being big jerks and keeping our “classes that we’re paying for” open as long as your “infrastructure will allow” so that we can put “legitimacy” behind our diplomas and “achieve the American dream” through the potential education allows for upward mobility in our society.

You guys really are jerks.

The snow day is an idea born of a simple concept: no school without consequences. It’s a dream that is pure and white in elementary school where cursive lessons were replaced with fort building. But, like all things, snow days lose their innocence. Full days off are replaced with delays and horrid drives. The pure white snow in the backyard is replaced with that brown mush on the sidewalk. The consequences are no longer pushed back a day; they build up. It is with this Caulfield-esque mindset that one unequivocal truth emerges.

It really needs to stop freaking snowing.

Nick O’Malley is a Collegian columnist. He can be reached at [email protected].