I’d like to take my creative liberties with this installment of the “Jersey Shore” to comment on Sammi and Ronnie’s relationship (or lack thereof). Let’s take a little look back in time at the beginnings of our Lovebirds’s saga.
First episode of season one – Sam hooks up with The Situation. Ronnie is probably being creepy in the background somewhere. During every Sam and Ron make-up and break-up (so I guess about four times an episode), I like to pause and contemplate what would have happened if Sam and Mike had dated instead. More fights? Less fights? More tan? Maybe more time spent on the beach? The possibilities are endless…
Sammi meets the family – After spending all day straightening her already-straight extensions and sufficiently aggravating Ronnie’s mom, Sam meets the family. So does Vinny. Wait, triple date? Sam and Ron, Ron’s parents, Vinny and Ron’s brother? Vinny gets the good friend award for that one. After spending all day doing Jersey-like boardwalk things, Sam made a good impression on the family.
Ronnie gets arrested – For fighting. Sammi bails him out. True love right there, people.
Season two – Ronnie goes all-out with the boys one night, gets creepy and weird, makes out with two girls and no one tells Sammi. What happens in Miami stays in Miami?
The note– Snooki and JWOWW try to be good friends to Sweetheart and write her an anonymous note describing Ronnie’s escapades. In theory, good idea, but in a house where eating the last pickle becomes a dramatic blowout, anything is sure to fuel a brawl. Instead of getting mad at her boyfriend’s drunken antics, Sammi severs ties with JWOWW and Snickers, and basically the entire rest of the crew.

The third season– By the end of season two I was sure these two would never make it to the next season, but they proved me wrong. The couple of the year entered the third season by arriving first at the house and claiming the best room with three beds. Wait, what? Why? That’s weird. What if you want to smush and The Situation is there? He’ll watch. He can be just as creepy and weird as Ron.
Sam basically leaches on to Ron; she follows him to the gym, the beach, work, upstairs, downstairs, inside, outside. Good for you, Sam, you may have reached stage eight clinger!
Sam, Snickers and JWOWW make up – Could this be the start of a new girls era on the Shore? SNJ doesn’t quite have the same ring as MVP, but it could work.
The break up – For real this time? It must have been because the Sam went and Jersey Turnpike’d all up on some gross guy right in front of Ron and he reacted in the exact way that she wanted him to. Then he went home and broke everything she owned, including her glasses. Low blow, dude. Stop getting so weird.
Sam leaves – The Sweetheart just couldn’t stand living in the same room as a crazy person. Or seven.
What will the future hold for this couple? Will Sam come back and all will be forgiven? Will there be even more tears and drama for these two? Time will only tell…

Ashley Berger can be reached at [email protected].