Everyone who’s anyone knows that the scariest style of music the dark lords have to offer is heavy metal. Between the genre’s alleged association with the occult and its supernaturally creepy aesthetic, look no further than your favorite metal jams, from the classics to the modern day, to really freak out the entire neighborhood. Here’s a quixotic elixir of heavy tracks that’ll really get the hairs on your neck standing up.
Black Sabbath – “Iron Man”
Kick your hallowed eve playlist off with an instantly recognizable classic from the seminal British metallers. Guitarist Tony Iommi’s heavy, plodding guitar riffage will have everyone at the Halloween party immediately air-guitaring, even the lame-wads dressed as Twilight characters. This song was made for Halloween – a doom metal odyssey about a time traveling robot that has his violent revenge on his human creators. Perhaps even scarier, this beloved hard-rocking tune was covered by Sir-Mix-A-Lot on his 1988 album “Swass.” *Shudder.*
Helloween – “Metal Invaders”
With a name like this, how could the 80s power metal powerhouse that is Helloween not make it onto the list? One could potentially pick almost any songs from the band’s early career, but songs with the word “metal” in their title are usually some of the best pieces of aural art ever conceived, as a rule. The song is a rampaging speed metal assault about demons of “incarnate power roaring from the sky” who are “sworn to bring metal mayhem tonight.” Sounds pleasant enough. Have a few too many glasses of spiked punch and the lyrics will begin to make sense real fast.
Facebreaker – “Infected”
Nothing says costumes and Kit Kat bars with the family like brutal death metal – double points for finding a metal band that shares their name with a Nintendo Wii boxing video game. Musically, this melodeath anthem couples deviously dissonant twin guitar harmonies with mile-a-minute drumming to really get that scary atmosphere a-kicking. Between guttural growls, the singer announces his intent to “eat your brain” and “crush your head” in that order, for some reason. Blast this on your home stereo on Oct. 31, and those snot-nosed trick-or-treaters will think twice before complaining about your candy selection.
Ozzy Osbourne – “Mr. Crowley”
If anyone deserves to make it onto the list twice, it’s the Crown Prince of Darkness himself, Ozzy Osbourne. With this 1980 hit’s distinctively eerie organ intro and lyrics and title referencing notorious occultist Aleister Crowley, this was quite possibly one of the creepiest sounding moments of Ozzy Osbourne’s career – and we’re talking about the guy that bit the head off a live bat. Incidentally, guitarist Randy Rhoads’ virtuoso shredding earned this song the 28th slot in the “Guitar World” poll of the 100 greatest guitar solos of all time. Funny side note – rumor has it that Ozzy was once shown a picture of Aleister Crowley and actually had to ask who it was.
Cannibal Corpse – “Hammer Smashed Face”
The name alone says it all – if you’re looking for a band with an extreme Halloween aesthetic, it’s probably going to be the guys who choose to call themselves Cannibal Corpse. “Hammer Smashed Face” not only has a great B-movie horror flick ring to it, it’s also one of the very few CC songs that can actually be printed in a daily newspaper without the FCC having an aneurism. The album that features the song, the 1992 death metal classic “Tomb of the Mutilated,” featured vocals from lead singer Chris Barnes that were so brutal the band had to clarify in the liner notes that the vocal tracks were not artificially enhanced whatsoever. Now that’s metal.
Metallica – “Enter Sandman”
While this may not be the thrash metal legends best number, it is certainly one of their most iconic. The creeping crescendo of the world’s most over-played guitar riff over Lars Ulrich’s insanely overrated drumming makes for perhaps the guiltiest pleasure of all pop-metal tunes. Even if you’re a thrash purist who hates everything after “…And Justice For All,” you can’t help but bang your head to this one. The lyrical content concerning the “beast under your bed” and all that goes bump in the night is reminiscent of such Halloween classics as “Nightmare On Elm St.” and “Friday the 13th.” Metallica: giving little kids insomnia since 1991.
Anaal Nathrakh – “In The Constellation of the Black Widow”
This phrase really gets thrown around a bit too much, but Anaal Nathrakh might be the heaviest band ever. You really want to scare someone this Halloween? Spin this song, or pretty much anything from the album of the same name. Since the British band’s sound relies on a melding of several extreme metal genres, the easiest way to relate how they sound is like this: imagine the gods of black metal and grindcore clash against each other in violent warfare, but decide to settle their differences by setting a lunatic asylum on fire. If this sounds exaggeratory in any way, go ahead and listen for yourself. Coupling disgustingly rapid drums with flesh-searing guitar work, Anaal’s real intensity lies in the insanity-laden vocals. Fair warning: don’t listen while pets or small children are in the room, or else you’ll need a new carpet.
Iron Maiden – “The Number of the Beast”
Begin with a classic and end with a classic. Iron Maiden represents all things heavy metal done correctly, and that includes tight-fisted melodic metal anthems about Satan. Consistently considered one of, if not the best heavy metal song of all time, this tune sports all the features of a great Maiden track – riffs that are as catchy as they are timeless, a monstrously soaring vocal performance by Bruce Dickinson and a blistering guitar solo powerful enough to wake the dead. Excelsior!
Dave Coffey can be reached at [email protected].
