In discussions of adolescent sexuality, people often ignore the fact that the majority of young adults in industrialized nations have sexual intercourse before turning 20.

Little will dissuade people from having sex. Regardless of how one might feel about this, the United States, as a society, must focus its efforts on promoting sexual health and safety. A culture of sex positivity supported by comprehensive sex education is necessary in order to provide teens with resources for making educated decisions, avoiding negative outcomes, gaining the confidence to respect their own desires and ultimately, maintaining healthy, safe and enjoyable sex lives.

Although sex education is not the only source of information about sexuality for teens, it is surely the simplest to change. Sex education teaches youth how to communicate about sex. In the U.S., schools often emphasize negative outcomes and ignore positive aspects of teen sexuality. This negative attitude emphasizes sexually transmitted infections and pregnancy prevention, reinforcing traditional gender norms and maintaining the sexual double standard for women.

Teachers are ignoring, and therefore tolerating, heterosexism, sexism and harassment in their classrooms. Abstinence until marriage education programs were created in part to perpetuate traditional gender roles. They ignore not only the inevitability of teens having sex, but women’s desires and pleasure as well.

As Jessica Fields writes in her book, “Risky Lessons: Sex Education and Social Inequality,” “Lessons that called for depersonalized and anonymous discussions of sexuality, assigned girls and women primary responsibility for maintaining sexual boundaries, and cast boys and men as sexual aggressors on whom girls cannot rely for either communication or respect.”

This notion that men and women inherently want different things from relationships is false. In the Netherlands, where this idea is not part of the culture, men and boys say they desire intimacy and relationships just as much as sex.

Gendered sexuality has negative outcomes for both men and women. Women learn they should not be in control and must look to men for protection, while also being physically attractive and attracted to men. According to Deborah Tolman, “These constructions of girls’ sexuality leave out their sexual subjectivity. By sexual subjectivity I mean a person’s experience of herself as a sexual being, who feels entitled to sexual pleasure and sexual safety, who makes active sexual choices, and who has an identity as a sexual being. Sexual desire is at the heart of sexual subjectivity.”

Our culture, which deems that masculinity cannot simultaneously be feminine, forces both sexes to ignore parts of their personalities that make them human. Desire is only about oneself – not about a relationship, and therefore it is seen as masculine. Women have to deal with physical repercussions, pregnancy and STIs, as well as social consequences such as being labeled a “slut.” Stripped of their sexual desire, women do not feel entitled to receive positive outcomes from sexual activity.

Women who do not feel entitled to sexual pleasure or are not able to negotiate with a sexual partner are also significantly less likely to use protection. Additionally, women often feel as though they must cover up their own desires after a sexual encounter by saying that “it just happened.” The media propagates the message that sex is more romantic and less wrong if this is the case. Not only should women not have to disguise their feelings, but as Tolman argues, “it just happened” is an unsafe and unhealthy story for women.

A culture of sex negativity perpetuates negative consequences. According to Amy Schalet, in 2007, births to American teenagers (ages 15 to 19) were eight times as high as in the Netherlands.

U.S. teens not only have the highest birth rate, but also the highest abortion rate, number of sexual partners, STI rates and are less likely to use contraception. This is not surprising considering that abstinence-only curricula emphasize the failure rate of contraception and do not explain how to effectively use birth control.

Cultures that instill in their youth that sexuality, desire and love are all normal parts of life have considerably lower rates of teen childbearing, abortion and STIs. Schalet describes sexuality as “a part of life that should be governed by self-determination, mutual respect, frank conversation, and the prevention of unintended consequences.”

Female sexual pleasure, masturbation, homosexuality and body diversity are all integral parts of sexual education. Incorporating sex-positive curricula and accepting sexuality as part of adolescence will nurture teens to develop healthy views of sexuality and create relationships of openness and mutual respect. Parental involvement and open communication about sexuality result in delayed, relationship-based sex, increased use of contraception and reduced risk of pregnancy and STIs.

Ultimately, we must remember that being comfortable in our own bodies and understanding our own feelings are the first steps to achieving a healthy and safe sexual life. One cannot make responsible sexual choices without being aware of his or her self, body and needs.

Parents and educators should help teens develop sexual autonomy, strong romantic relationships and foster connectedness between parent and child while recognizing diversity in sexual development and disparities in resources.

Aviva Richardson can be reached at [email protected].