Morning Wood: 2023

Editor’s Note: The following columns are satirical and meant for humorous purposes. All interviews and individuals are fictitious. 

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Where to find UMass’ most eligible bachelors and bachelorettes by Annie Position

UMass students conduct massive bank run after tuition hikes by Eyezen Brough

In conversation with UMass AI by Lotsa Datta

UMass to hold first annual ‘Hunger Games’ to combat housing crisis by Dick Downe

UMass Student Trustee stages apparent hostile corporate takeover of Board of Trustees by Chan Cellar

Eduroam Rewind by Eric Shen

Morning Wood: Where is it? by Stella Virgin

Student hunched over laptop every day for six hours straight shocked to wake up with chronic back pain by Vince Lumbago

Bricks falling from Du Bois library part of admin’s plan to cut down on population of lame nerds on campus by Khan Cussion