Courtesy of Daily Collegian, Flickr.

Satire: Top 10 make-out spots on campus for Valentine’s Day

By Petey Aeye, Collegian Correspondent February 14, 2023
Opinion: Satire: “There’s a campus attraction for every couple who wants some of that sweet, sweet action.”
Parker Peters / Daily Collegian.

Satire: This Valentine’s Day, stay toxic

By Asha Baron, Assistant Op/Ed Editor February 14, 2023
Satire: Valentine’s Day is not just for happy couples, bitter singles can have some fun too.
Ana Pietrewicz/ Daily Collegian (2021)

The lingering pandemic still affects students’ mental health

By Meenakshi Iyer, Collegian Correspondent February 13, 2023
Opinion: “As we adjust to our new lives fresh out of quarantine, we look back to our past tendencies to better understand how exactly the pandemic's widespread nature impacts us today.”
Graphic by Nick Archambault

Happy Ending: 2022

December 13, 2022

Happy Ending is the holiday season satire edition of the Daily Collegian. All articles are satirical.  ‘Twas the night before finals week BREAKING: New chancellor revealed as uncircumcised Santa...

Photo courtesy of Sofi Shlepakov

The final quote

By Sofi Shlepakov, Assistant News Editor December 13, 2022
“I keep telling myself I wish I had more time to experience my “lasts” a little longer. But I’ve come to the realization that no amount of time will ever feel like my time is done,” Assistant News Editor Sofi Shlepakov writes in her senior column.
Nick Archambault/Daily Collegian (2022)

The Black Diamond: It’s not “just hair”

By Christmaelle Vernet, Collegian Columnist December 13, 2022
Opinion: “Hair is of huge cultural significance for Black women, and in my personal experience, it’s helped me gain confidence and feel connected to my roots.”
Clinton Raymond/Daily Collegian (2010)

Happy Ending: Elevators are capitalistic oppression

By Marl Tarx, Revolutionary December 13, 2022
Happy Ending: “It is time for us to break the chains of our oppression, and to finally free ourselves from these bourgeois capitalist inventions known as elevators,” Marl Tarx says.
Bryn Rothschild-Shea/Daily Collegian (2014)

Happy Ending: U Don’t Matter! UMass announces an anti-toy drive for the holiday season

By Grand Inqueefitor Steve, Contributor December 13, 2022
Happy Ending: A new holiday tradition sparks excitement and controversy in the community.
Ana Pietrewicz/Daily Collegian (2021)

Happy Ending: SGA votes to ban New Year’s Day celebrations

By Chan Cellar, Senior Deputy Assistant Executive News Editor December 13, 2022
Happy Ending: “I can be Secretary forever, who doesn’t want that?”
Daily Collegian (2020)

Happy Ending: BREAKING: New chancellor revealed as uncircumcised

By Eric Shen, Sadly Circumcised December 13, 2022
Happy Ending: UMass community in shambles after new chancellor’s penile exam leaked.
Bryn Rothschild-Shea/Daily Collegian (2014)

Happy Ending: ‘Twas the night before finals week

By Clement Clark Snore, Collegian Satire Columnist December 13, 2022
Satire: “In this cozy holiday classic, Swamy bestows his final unwanted gifts on the UMass community.”
File photo/Daily Collegian (2018)

Happy Ending: Santa combats cuffing season with a bag full of ‘special’ toys

By Master Bates, Self-love Consultant December 13, 2022
Happy Ending: Santa Clause has a brand-new bag, and he’s filling it with toys this holiday season.
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