Welcome to the first annual UMass Daily Collegian 2000 Music Video Awards, honoring the very best and worst in music video this past year. Your hosts for the evening are Chancellor Scott and Ol’ Dirty Bastard. All of the stars have arrived and are already totally hammered, so let’s get the show underway.
Best Rock Video
Your presenters are Jessie Camp and Raymond from MTV. At one point the rock video was the impetus for the cultural phenomenon that was MTV and music video. Today, in many waysm it is the forgotten genre, at least in terms of MTV. If you’re lucky enough you might catch “Return of the Rock” on at 3:30 in the morning, but for the most part Carson Daly and the prepubescent screams of 14 year-old girls have replaced Rikki Rachman and “The Headbangers Ball.” However, in the midst of all this 2000 still managed to produce some rock videos that really rocked. Here are the nominees:
Limp Bizkit, “Rollin”
Rage Against The Machine, “Testify”
Rage Against The Machine, “Sleep Now In the Fire”
Deftones, “Back in School”
Papa Roach, “Last Resort”
And the winner is…Rage Against The Machine, “Testify.” As much as my goal in life is to suck up to Fred Durst at every opportunity just like Carson Daly, I still had to go with Zack and his crew for Best Rock Video. A truly rockin’ video with some brash political statements, and it was pretty damn funny, too. Plus Michael Moore, the god of the UMass Communications department, directed it.
Best Teen Pop Award
Your presenters are Danny Wood from New Kids on the Block and that guy with the facial hair from 98 Degrees. 2000 was truly a banner year for teen pop music. Dominating “TRL” and record sales alike, the genre continued to explode and was probably more dependant on the music video than any other kind of music. Here are the nominees:
*NSYNC, “Bye Bye Bye”
*NSYNC, “It’s Gonna Be Me”
Christina Aguilera, “Come on Over”
Britney Spears, “Oops I Did it Again”
2gether, “The Hardest Part of Breaking Up”
And the winner is… *NSYNC, “Bye Bye Bye.” This was a tough choice since I have much love for Christina and Britney and I personally think 2gether is hilarious. Mad props to QT by the way. But I have to go with “Bye Bye Bye” simply because it is probably the single most emulated dance by 14 year-old girls and drunken 20 year-old guys of all time. By the way, a friend of mine tells me that if you look closely in the Britney video you can see a little bit more than you are supposed to see if you know what I mean. But that’s just a rumor.
Best Hip-Hop Video
Your presenters are Kid from Kid and Play and Martha Stewart. With new releases by Eminem, Wu Tang, Jay-Z, Ja Rule, OutKast, Cash Money, and countless others, plus some phat jams out of St. Louie by a guy named Nelly, and some solid singles off Dre’s Chronic 2000, and DMX’s 1999 release, 2000 was a banner year for hip-hop. The great variety resulted in some truly hot videos. Here are the nominees:
Eminem, “The Real Slim Shady”
Eminem, “Stan”
Wu-Tang Clan, “Gravel Pit”
OutKast, “B.O.B.”
DMX, “Party Up”
And the winner is… OutKast, “B.O.B.” A truly psychedelic and creative-looking video from two of hip-hop’s most original MCs, who are just so fresh and so clean.
Worst Video of The Year
No presenters for this award, sorry. This award goes to the type of video that just makes you cringe when you see it. And 2000 had quite a few of them. Whether it is some egomaniac guy pretending to be Jesus or three guys barking, 2000 certainly had its share of bad videos. And the nominees are:
Baja Men, “Who Let The Dogs Out?”
Britney Spears, “Lucky”
Creed, “With Arms Wide Open”
Jagged Edge, “Let’s Get Married”
And the winner is…Creed, “With Arms Wide Open.” Get hold of yourself Scott Stapp, you’re not the second coming of Christ – at least I don’t think so. Watching this video led me to believe that Stapp is convinced he is some kind of biblical figure. He also sounds constipated when he sings.
Best Video Nobody Cared About: Fastball, “You’re an Ocean”
Not much MTV play for this video. Come to think of it, I only saw it on MTV2 and CTN. The video is something off the typical beaten path, and is a good representation of Fastball’s unique and somewhat corny style.
Worst Video Everybody Cared About: Red Hot Chili Peppers,
“Californication”
Settle down Chili Pepper fans, not everybody worships this video. The song was tired and bland, and the video was overrated. A video game theme…yay. It’s not that the video was bad, I just don’t think it was nearly as creative as it was hyped to be and the song itself is a cure for insomnia.
Best Cheesy Video: Eiffel 65, “Blue (Da Ba Dee)”
If you’ve seen it you know what I mean.
Most Embarrassing Moment of the Year on MTV: Britney Spears’ live performance of “Lucky” during MTV “All Access Week”
For all you people who said Britney is a no talent lip-syncher, judging by this performance, you are right. Who ever conceived of the choreography for this number was obviously on acid at the time. What the hell was up with the dancing sailors? By far the worst live performance in the history of music.
And finally, my own special category.
Worst “Music Video” in a TV Commercial: Joe, “I Wanna Know” in a McDonalds Commercial
This commercial features Joe singing his hit summer single “I Wanna Know” outside of a McDonalds of all places. Meanwhile, all of the diehard Joe fans are throwing their hands in the air and waving ’em like they just don’t care. This is all good except for one thing: their hands are full of McDonalds food. As they get their groove on with Joe they are passionately waving around Quarter Pounders, Big Macs, McChicken Sandwiches, and whatever other McDonalds food they can get their filthy hands on. In a related story, Joe’s Album I Wanna Know is now available with a side of large fries and a medium drink for a limited time only. Or you can Supersize it for only 35 cents more. In a normal year, Sisqo’s Pepsi commercial where he sang the ghetto anthem “Joy of Cola” would have won it, but thanks to Joe this was no normal year.
That’s it for the First Annual UMass Daily Collegian Video Awards show. Drive home safely. Don’t worry even if you’ve been drinking, since the car will “operate itself.”
