I can walk up and down the hallways in the Campus Center and never pay any heed to what flyers are on the wall beside me. Despite their big bold letters and bright colors, I have basically had no problem walking by every single flyer I see. That’s a bad thing, I’m sure, but I don’t have enough time to check out most events on campus.

That was the old me. A few weeks ago, I saw a flyer that changed my life. It changed my existence. It changed me. It asked why I should join the Campus Socialists.

Again, whenever I’m walking by these flyers, I just keep going. I don’t have any interest in the Science Fiction club (only three months ’til Lord of the Rings!) or the MASSPirg (“We want to save the trees so we’ll have enough paper for our flyers!”) or whatever other club is announcing events. But the Campus Socialists, whew. It was all I could do to keep from joining right then.

I hadn’t really thought about it before; why haven’t I joined the socialists? Why have I steadfastly remained rooted in traditional politics? I don’t have an answer. And after almost 13 minutes of pure, deep, amazing thought, I came up with a set of reasons for joining the Campus Socialists.

So why am I joining?

-Because when I get eyeglasses at Lenscrafters, I ask for, nay, demand!, thin, black-rimmed intellectual glasses.

-Because when I sit at Rao’s talking about the world’s injustices, I can’t help but love being surrounded by people who are so “totally, like, fed up with the Man!”

-Because the money I earn is oppressing somebody else and that’s no fair.

-Because I honestly believe that I am smarter than the rest of world. When people disdain the socialists, I like to mutter under my breath “if you only knew, you’d be a socialist too.”

-Because I’m a graduate student.

-Because I really believe Palestinians are totally innocent and Israeli-Jews are totally guilty. I lack what you might call a subtlety when it comes to looking at political situations, so I just pick whichever side appears to be more oppressed.

-Because my total conception of social protest involves drinking a latte just before I hurl a brick through a Starbucks window while screaming “down with corporations!”

-Because Phish hasn’t been on tour for more than a year and I’m looking for something to do with my time.

-Because being a member of the Campus Socialists means I am one short step from joining the Radical Student Union and any group that calls itself “radical” probably thinks of itself as being totally “cowabunga” too.

-Because I blindly believe that all corporations are evil; well, except for the one that made my laptop and the Sport Utility Vehicle that my father bought me.

-Because Mumia is innocent. He won’t say that of course, but I just have a feeling he is.

-Because, dammit, socialism has worked so well everywhere in the world. Well, maybe not Cuba, but definitely everywhere else. Ok, the USSR didn’t exactly work out either, but after those two it has defi…huh? Ok, yes, China hasn’t been a striking success, and Poland didn’t really prosper but otherwise, it’s been perfect.

-Because I’m a communications major and everything Sut Jhally says is correct. He changed my life. Pepsi really does want to kill my children.

-Because du-nuh-du-du-nuh-du-du-nuh! Rage Against the Machine rules! Awowwow-winka-winka-wowwow!

-Because I don’t think it’s fair that the United States would want to get revenge on those guilty in the World Trade Center attacks. Instead, I believe only that the United States was at fault and we would be better off to let terrorists kill innocent people as long as they do it because they hate America because, hey, I hate America too.

-Because violence is bad, regardless. Oh, unless it involves revolutionaries rising up against capitalism; if that’s the situation, let the killing commence.

-Because it’s easier for me to give up the wealth that I have because I know I can always go back to it if this whole “socialism” thing doesn’t work out.

-Because I want to be friends with the long-white-haired, old man with the beard that is on campus every single day!

-Because I have conception of how the world works and it doesn’t involve the inherent evil of people, especially their propensity for taking advantage of a situation like socialism.

Let’s be honest. Those are 19 overwhelming reasons for me to join up. I could come up with plenty more – because my beard is more than evidence of the fact that I don’t have any razors – but would it be worth it? If all of those reasons aren’t enough, then nothing’s going to be!

Now, will somebody tell me where I can sign up?