If you were expecting Style File by Shauna Billings, you came to the wrong place. Her Style File will return next week. For this week I will provide my perspective on several current fashion trends, while Shauna will provide hers on the world of television in Thursday’s “Tube Notes.” All of you hardcore Collegian readers know what that means. We are switching columns this week. As Shauna told me, “You never hear a guy’s perspective on fashion.” She told me, “Kurt, you are fashion plate, with your phat kicks and cool color combinations. You manage to combine the preppy look with some funky urban flavor that gives you credibility in both the hood and the country club. Tell me what you think about the world of male fashion, because I don’t know anything about it.” Well Shauna, here it goes.

Hair:

First off, why is it that so many guys have these fancy popstar haircuts? Most guys claim that they hate boybands, yet they style their hair like they are the sixth member of O-Town. Easy on the gel already.

Adidas:

One fashion trend that I do support is the massive proliferation of Adidas shoes. It seems like everyone is sporting the old school style Adidas “Superstar” shoes. They have a simple look: white with the trademark Adidas strip that comes in a variety of colors. If I ever become rich, you can be sure that besides giving all of my money to the poor, I will buy every color of Adidas shoes that are available, even the wacky ones like robin’s egg blue and lime green. One word to anyone who doesn’t own a pair of these shoes: Loser.

Shirts with numbers on them:

Walk around campus and it looks like there sure are alot of people on sports teams. You’ll see people that are on the “AE Swimming” or “Abercrombie Weightlifting” teams. Personally, I am on a team called “The Cougars” that apparently play basketball in Southern California. I am number 11. Unfortunately, I am awful at basketball. I am both small and slow (A Point Center if you will), which isn’t the best combination. Until recently, I hadn’t met any of my teammates. Then one day I saw a fellow teammate walking in the mall. The confusing thing was that he also was number 11, and so were a few other people that I ran into. Interesting.

Shirts with massive logos on them

Even though everybody makes fun of them, it seems like everybody has one of them: a shirt with a massive logo or company name on it. The system basically works like this: regular green shirt= $10, green shirt that has the massive phrase “Abercrombie” on it= priceless (or $65.95). As I sit here, I am wearing a shirt that says “Eagle” and says something about surfing on “Sunset Beach.” After all, what better way to dress than to be a walking advertisements for sweatshops.

Professor Outfits:

If you’re looking for some inspiration in your dress, how bout copying your professors? Talk about a bunch that are stuck in a timewarp. Last year one of my professors -who shall remain nameless – wore one thing EVERYDAY: black shirt, and black pants. Examine your professor’s wardrobe and you’ll see everything from huge sweaters designed to hide massive guts to Hulk Hogan style hair cuts. Then there’s the moustache. Put it this way, moustache = evil.

Shirts With Phrases:

In the spirit of the shirt with numbers on them comes shirts with phrases on them. “I’m easy” is probably my favorite. It’s short and to the point. Most of the people I’ve seen wearing this shirt are guys. Of course, what guy isn’t easy?

The Andre The Giant Strap

One female trend that seems to be gaining in popularity among the club sidewalk hoochie wear girls is the one strap dress, or the “Andre The Giant” strap as I refer to it. The late and kind of great wrestler Andre The Giant popularized this look with his one strap wrestling tights. Fashion inspiration sure comes from strange things.

Different Colors:

A few colors that seem to be gaining in popularity are lime green and baby blue (or is that robins egg blue?). Can’t decide what color to wear? Well, in the spirit of Shauna Billings, the real “Style File” writer, who once wrote a column about what the colors you wear say about your personality, here is the official list of what wearing various colors mean.

Blue- You’re a boy

Pink- You’re a girl

White- Good guy

Black- Bad guy

Green- Tree hugger

Yellow- Coward

Orange- You like oranges

Purple- You think you are a king

Red- You are in love

Baby Blue- You’re a baby

Lime Green- You like limes