After one month of Tube Notes columns, the email has begun to flood to my official website: tubenotes.org. People have questions about the world of television, and people demand answers. This installment of Tube Notes is dedicated to answering some of these thoughtful emails. Remember, I can’t possibly answer all emails, but know that I do read them all.
From: [email protected]
I am disgruntled at your lack of “Survivor” coverage in recent installments of “Tube Notes.” Why are you omitting coverage of television’s most popular program?
Dear Naked Richard,
Thanks for the email. I have omitted “Survivor” coverage simply because I am not a big fan of the show, and because there haven’t been any new episodes lately. But let me tell you, I have some inside info on the upcoming season that was shot last summer in Kenya, and will begin airing on CBS October 11th. You heard it here first: my spies in Africa have informed me that Lex, a marketing manager from California, won the whole thing.
From: justin’[email protected]
Dear Kurt,
I have always been a big fan of your work in The Collegian. Your commentary on such pertinent social issues as boybands has expanded my mind. Anyway, I’d like to know your opinion on Britney Spears’ latest video “I’m a Slave For You.” Also, is it true that she lost her Pepsi sponsorship? I just want you to know that Britney is my idol, and I want to look just like her when I grow up, which is why I have started on a one-meal-a-day diet of nothing but a glass of diet water.
Dear Justin’s qt,
I gotta say, Britney’s new video is hot. I like it. And man, what an empowering message for young woman to be told that they are “a slave” for men. And yes, you are right, Britney did lose her Pepsi sponsorship. There are conflicting reports as to why. Rumor has it that she was photographed drinking Coke last week, and Pepsi was so insulted that they ended their relationship with her (seriously). Publicly, Pepsi has stated that they ended their sponsorship deal with Britney because it would be “inappropriate in the wake of recent events.” By recent events, I guess they mean the terrorist attacks on the U.S. So I guess Britney doing a strip tease with an American flag halter-top is no longer appropriate?
From [email protected]
Dear Kurt,
I heard that you are a big wrestling fan, and that you were once in a backyard wrestling federation. So what do you think of “WWF Tough Enough” on MTV? Do you think Maven will make it big in the WWF?
Dear WWF Mark,
I enjoyed the first season of “Tough Enough.” At least it was a reality show where people had a goal other than becoming filthy rich. The series was such a success that there is going to be a “Tough Enough 2” next summer. To answer your question Mark, it’s hard to say whether Maven will make it in the WWF or not, but I think the WWF made a good choice with him. He will actually be making his debut tonight on UPN on WWF Smackdown! in a match versus Tazz. Having his first match on primetime national television surely puts him under big time pressure to perform. The rumors of my participation in a Backyard Wrestling promotion cannot be confirmed.
From mariahcarey@rubber_room.com
ggrioghj8hglove%84mnospolebzruirskywo. Sorry, I just flipped out again. Kurt, I am emailing you in regards to the fact that I received a negative review of my new album Glitter in The Collegian from that other pop music writer. I heard that you were the only person on earth who actually enjoyed my song “Loverboy.” Why can’t you review my album? As you know my movie came in 11th place at the box office in its opening weekend, making it a colossal flop. But is that really that bad? I mean what was the 11th most watched TV show last week? I bet people don’t consider that a failure. Anyway, email me back honey, and you’ll always be my baby. xoxoxoxoxox
Dear Mariah,
I did like “Loverboy.” I can’t understand why everybody on earth hated it with such a passion. Unfortunately, being the 11th ranked movie and television program are two different things. The 11th most watched television program last week was “Monday Night Football,” with an 11.7 rating. As for the most watched program last week, it was “Friends” with a 19.5.
From [email protected]
I was deeply saddened by your negative review of “Inside Schwartz” in a recent edition of Tube notes. The referee is a riot, as is the inimitable Mills Lane. I have it on good authority that you didn’t even see the show when you wrote your scathing review. Now pardon me while I go listen to System of a Down.
Dear Mike D,
If you actually read Tube Notes last week, you would know that I specifically stated that I hadn’t seen the show, and I was making a prediction as to whether the new shows would be any good or not. I did see part of the debut episode of “Inside Schwartz,” and I have to say it wasn’t as bad as I thought it would be.
From [email protected]
I am disgusted by your positive coverage of professional wrestling in Tube Notes. Don’t you know that professional wrestling is responsible for violence in our society? Don’t you know that the portrayal of large breasted women has a detrimental effect on the impressionable minds of both young boys and girls? Don’t you know that advertising, along with nuclear holocaust, is the potentially most horrific thing in human history?
Dear ILuvSut,
I agree with you on all counts, but really don’t care.
From [email protected]
Kurt, Tubenotes is trash every single week. Whatever happened to the good ol’ days when Ryan Benharris wrote the column.
Dear Lyon,
Ryan Benharris has moved on to bigger and better things in the journalistic world. He no longer has time for this column that is allotted for people without the proper grammar skills to be an editor.
From [email protected]
I just emailed you guys to say you are doing a great job. Keep up the good work. I collect all “Tube Notes” columns and re-read them daily. I was just wondering what the chances would be of obtaining Tube Notes merchandise, like perhaps a Tube Notes notebook, or Tube Notes Trapper Keeper.
Dear TNN guy,
Thanks for the kind words. Tube Notes gear is now available on our official website Tubenotes.org, which is updated several times daily. With the holidays coming up, what better gift for your loved ones than official Tube Notes gear. I’m talking Tube Notes hats, sweatshirts, boxer shorts (glow in the dark), lampshades, adult toys, and a slew of other items.
Anyway, keep the emails coming. See you next week.
