Maybe it’s just the shows I watch, but there sure are some bad commercials on television these days. So instead of talking about television shows this week, it’s time to talk about the things that pay for the television shows; the commercials. And not just any commercials, the really pitiful ones. Not to step on the toes of fellow Collegian staff member who wrote about some commercials that draw his ire in the Ed/Op section earlier this semester, but here is my list:
Steven The Dell Computer Kid: The charming “boy next door” Steven, who really wants you to buy a Dell, started appearing in Dell ads last year. Since then, Dell’s revenue has gone up 46%. Is it possible that America actually likes this kid who sounds like he just toked up before the commercial? I once heard a rumor that this guy went to UMass, although I’ve never seen him, and I don’t think Amherst is exactly the place for aspiring young actors. On the other hand, who would ever make up something so stupid? If you’re out there Steven, give me a holler. No wait, actually don’t.
Cleo The Psychic: Cleo, who claims that it’s all about “keepin it real,” has become a fixture on daytime television. Housewives nationwide who demand to know what their man is doing when he comes home late smelling like perfume can trust Cleo to inform them. As Cleo says to a “customer” in one of the ads: “The father of the baby is the one with the funny chin.” Hey, it’s all in the cards, don’t question it. Cleo was recently put under investigation by the state of New York for violating the states telemarketing laws over 100 times. Looks like some jail time might be in the cards for Miss Cleo.
Chrysler=Love: This is the new advertising catch phrase for Chrysler. Forget about subliminal messages in advertising, just come out and make the ridiculous statement. Chrysler probably doesn’t really equal love, but Ford does equal hate. Hate for yourself when you buy one, that is.
Castrol: These commercials have basically conceded defeat for all men. Can’t figure women out? Just start having a sexual relationship with your car. The ads consist of some guy jetting around off road in his truck that “thinks a little gas is a good thing.” The godlike voice then states, “here’s to the perfect relationship (with your pickup), here’s to keeping it that way.” “CASTROL.” So basically the advertising community thinks that wrestling fans (a program where this ad plays about 5 times per show) have no skills with the ladies? I refuse to believe.
Wal-Mart Lady: Recently this commercial began airing which features a women who looks to be in her 60’s playing the part of a Wal-Mart sales associate. She states that her job “is the best job in the world.” OK now, is this absurd or what? The best job in the world pays seven bucks an hour with no benefits? Why am I in college when I can just head down the street to Wal-Mart and get “the best job in the world?” Plus I can help shoppers get those great deals, like a 30 pack of Dr.Thunder or Mountain Lighting for two” bucks.
Friendly’s Dad: There are a few different versions of these ads with the same basic premise in Friendly’s new campaign. My favorite has to be the one with the pre-teenage girl on the phone with her friends, who doesn’t want to be bothered by unhip Dad. On the other hand, Dad feels left out because they used to spend so much quality time together, like eat at fast food joints with one another. Preteen girl realizes this and proposes a trip to Friendly’s where the two bond over Patty Melts and Hot Fudge Sundaes. I can see the board meeting now: Some rotund executive proposes a way to get families to come to Friendly’s. ‘We’ll make ads that will make it look like your kid will like you if you take them to Friendly’s. Yea, that’s it.”
KFC and Jason Alexander: These commercials are even more painful to watch than a meal at KFC is to your arteries. The former “Seinfeld” star parades around with a bucket of fried chicken at a youth soccer game and tells people eating fast food burgers that look like pieces of coal flattened out on a bun that they should be eating KFC. Of course, everybody in the commercial mauls the bucket of chicken like vultures. As Alexander says, it “brings him so much joy.”
Tube Notes Quickies:
Ah, the quickie. Here’s some quick news bites from the world of television this past week.
– Game 7 of The World Series knocked “The Emmy’s” out of the park, drawing 39.1 million viewers to “The Emmy’s” 17.1 million. It was the smallest audience that the awards show has had since 1990.
-With November Sweeps coming up, the networks have lined up a slew of special shows. NBC has celebrity editions of both “Fear Factor” and “The Weakest Link” planned. “Fear Factor” will feature such legends of David Hasslehoff, Donny Osmund, Coolio, and the “wrestler” formerly known as Chyna. Meanwhile, Chyna’s old WWF buddies, including The Rock, Big Show, and Stephanie McMahon, compete next Monday on “The Weakest Link.”
-Speaking of Jason Alexander, his ABC show “Bob Patterson” was canceled by the network to the surprise of nobody.
-While people might not want to see ex-“Seinfeld” stars, apparently they do want to see college students. Fox has ordered “Undeclared” for an entire season. The show has routinely won its time slot in the coveted 18-34 demographic. Looks like that positive review in “Tube Notes” helped.
-Finally, in the most ridiculous item of the week, The New York Post reports that Barbara Steisand, out of fear of anthrax, traveled to “The Emmy’s” with her own personal nurse. According to the report, Streisand plans on traveling with the nurse everywhere.
