With the new fall television season in full swing, certain shows are bound not to make it due to pitiful ratings. Because of that, the networks will have to unveil the shows that weren’t quite good enough to make the original fall schedule: the midseason replacements. Considering how poor some of the shows that made the original lineup were, one can only shudder to think what the replacements will be like. Here at Tube Notes we have come up with a list of potential premises (or pilots as they are called in the industry) for new shows. These shows will be guaranteed ratings grabbers, bound to change the face of television forever. In certain instances, the network that the show would theoretically work best on is included in the description (or log line as it is called in the biz). So here they are, the “Tube Notes” midseason replacements!

-Al Gore and Ja Rule play roommates sharing a two-bedroom apartment in Northhampton. Gore plays a disgruntled Journalism Professor, Ja Rule a Wings delivery boy. Project is currently untitled.

-O.J Simpson plays a door-to-door knife salesman in this new “light comedy” on the WB.

-MTV’s Sway replaces Dan Rather on the “CBS Evening News.” News on when OutKast’s new album drops and P-Diddy’s new clothing line lead off each newscast.

-O-Town and Slipknot share a townhouse in San Francisco on the new season of “The Real World.” Find out what happens when 5 pretty boys, and 5 psychotic motherf**kers stop being polite and start getting real. Surprising “hookups” and bonds occur.

-FoxNews’s Bill O’Reilly plays a down on his luck conservative blowhard who can’t meet that special woman. He joins a mail-order wife club, and gets UMass Physics Professor Jeanne Traschen.

-Pamela Anderson stars in a new comedy where she plays a short order cook by day and stripper by night. Tentatively called “Fish Sandwich.”

-Stifler from American Pie is mistakingly accepted into Amherst College on a technicality in this new Fox comedy.

-Abraham Lincoln, Cleo the Psychic, a Women’s Studies Graduate Student, Cap’n Crunch and Bill Belichick star as roommates in this new madcap ensemble comedy set to air after “Friends” on NBC.

-Smart freshmen students spend their days studying and nights playing Snood and looking at pornography on the Internet in this new drama from David E. Kelly entitled “Commonwealth College.”

-Monty Mack plays a bootleg DVD salesman in the new comedy “Five Finger Discount.”

-Hulk Hogan, and his sidekicks Afroman and Ralph Nader, fight crime and drive around in a really fast boat in the new action series “Thunder in Paradise 2.”

-Maury Povich hosts the new game show “Are Those Real?” where contestants guess which member of the panel has fake boobs.

-Former wrestler Kamala decides to rush a fraternity upon entering college, in this as yet untitled UPN comedy.