Monsters Inc. enjoyed another monstrous weekend at the box-office, making that not-so-subtle use of “monstrous” only the millionth time it has been used to describe the Pixar film. Raking in a cool $46.2 million, Monsters crossed the ever-important $100 million barrier before facing its stiffest competition in next week’s Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone.

Monsters big victory wasn’t any big surprise especially considering that its closest competition was that of Shallow Hal, a supposedly hilarious take on fat people, thin people and self-image. Taking in $23.2 million, good enough for second place this week, Hal won the prestigious honor of being Hollywood’s single stupidest concept for a movie since last summer’s Bubble Boy.

In the film, Jack Black (the character actor that was supposedly funny in some of his other roles…The Jackal for instance) plays the kind of guy who reads Maxim. His ideal woman is a centerfold. That all changes when, on a chance encounter with self-help-guru-late-night-television-personality Tony Robbins, Black is spelled into only seeing inner beauty. Then the hilarity starts! He starts meeting all of these women whose inner beauty is only hidden by the layers and layers of fat on their skeletons. But he can’t see the fat, only the inner beauty! Get it? Isn’t that great? He thinks fat chicks are hot! But they’re actually not because they are total fatties! My god, the merriment!

The film stars Gwyneth Paltrow as Rosemary “she’s really fat but Black can’t see that because that is a hilarious premise for a film” Shanahan. In a “fat suit” for the better part of the movie, Paltrow has given interviews in which she discusses the shame and degradation she felt while being leered at by strangers for being a lard-ass. She’s said that she took the role so she could explore America’s prejudice against the heavy.

Now, God forbid she eats like a normal human being. God forbid she protests Hollywood’s truly repulsive behavior of hiring only waifs as skinny as Paltrow is, regardless of their non-existent levels of talent (hello Uma Thurman, Cameron Diaz, Lara Flynn Boyle, Calista Flockhart, et al). God forbid she do anything to break the suffocating mold that self-image has on our society. Instead – because she is a smart one – Paltrow claims, again in interviews, that she’s had self-image problems too.

Aww, poor Gwyneth. Somebody ought to send her a card for being so empathetic. She who could have practically any man she desired, she who is hired precisely for how she looks and not how she acts, she who is herself waif thin because it is the only thing Hollywood will tolerate, has had problems with her self-image. Listen up fatties: Gwyneth is with you! She feels your pain.

Of course, she’s never going to do anything about it. When she was asked what she thought about the media’s presentation of beauty, which she herself has called ridiculous, she said this: “Unfortunately, that’s a multibillion-dollar industry, and it’s very tied to a certain image of women. Until that changes organically, there’s nothing anybody can do about it. We can try to alter people’s perceptions, but it does seem we’re at the whim of editors and fashion directors. It’s up to them, really.”

Yep, there’s no way society can change until those damned editors are fired! It has nothing to do with Paltrow, who owes her success to those same shallow editors. It’s the fashionista’s fault.

In summation, here is what Shallow Hal has actually accomplished:

– It has reinforced every stereotype America has about fat people by conceptually creating a movie where the joke is ultimately on Black’s character for daring to find a fat chick attractive.

– It makes Paltrow, who was awarded an Oscar for her work in Shakespeare in Love, look about as shallow as the kiddie pool when she attempts to feel for the real heavyweights, while benefiting from her own waif-thin existence.

– It Continues Hollywood’s grand tradition of taking a social problem and reversing it to the point where it makes no sense. Want evidence? Try Demi Moore’s character in Disclosure. Some Hollywood executive somewhere said, “You know, sexual harassment has been a huge problem in America, so instead of addressing the inherent sexism in the American workplace in a film, why don’t we reverse everything and have a woman sexually harass a man!”

If Hollywood is truly interested in assaulting the common sense of the American viewer, why not hire Black and Paltrow to go door-to-door, slapping whoever answers? It seems like it be much quicker, and ultimately, a cheaper way to do what Shallow Hal has ultimately done.

Meanwhile, the only other film debuting last weekend was David Mamet’s Heist (see review on this page). A crime-caper starring Gene Hackman, Danny DeVito and Delroy Lindo, Heist took a soft fifth place with only $8 million.

Taking third place was Jet Li’s The One, with $9.1 million. The film showed surprising staying power considering that it has already been made and released in theaters (as The Matrix). Domestic Disturbance came in fourth place with $8.5 million, but only after stoned fans turned out in droves for the John Travolta film after confusing it for Pulp Fiction.

Meanwhile, the bottom half of the top-ten was once again desolation row.

– K-Pax groveled for $6.2 million. Kevin Spacey had better hope that dame Judi Dench carries him in The Shipping News because if his latest work is any indication, the E. Annie Proulx written Newfoundland drama is going to totally suck.

– Thirteen Ghosts was still in the theaters, scaring up $4.1 million in total receipts. Like cancer, Matthew Lillard has a staying power than cannot be easily destroyed.

– Kevin Kline’s Life as a House earned a whopping $3.6 million, the most ever for a movie entitled Life as a House. When titling the film, director Irwin Winkler tossed possible titles Life as a Boring Movie about a Dad and his Son and Life as Kevin Kline’s Career Dives Further into the Depths of Mediocrity.

– Riding in Cars with Boys came in ninth with $2.1 million, proving the allegations were true. Everybody’s grandparents were forced out of the nursing home and into the theater this weekend!

– Training Day made $1.9 million, like a beggar movie on a street corner, imploring people to ignore the stench (read: Ethan Hawke’s involvement) and give a little.

Art house cinema? Amelie, Maze and Waking Life all did respectably.

Next week: Harry Potter, this year’s Pokemon! See a little nerd fly on a broom! See him cast spells! Realize halfway through the movie that the money forked out for the ticket was a total waste!

Sam Wilkinson is a Collegian Staff Member.