Many people ask me, “Ben, how on Earth did you get so good looking?” And I honestly only have one answer for them. By eating the Cajun lightening chicken at the DC. But that’s enough about me, let’s talk about relationships. More precisely, let’s focus in on the good person vs. bad person relationships.
What I mean by this is what is the appeal of a bad guy or a good guy for ladies and vice versa for the men? This issue was raised at work while talking to a female coworker, and I wondered if by examining the roles and qualities of the “bad” person and “good” person in the eyes of both sexes, I could get to the bottom of this quagmire of a quandary.
From the ladies’ point of view, the good guy has certain qualities that make him attractive. He is sensitive, dependent, and focused with a plan for life. A girl doesn’t have to worry about getting hurt as much with a good guy who’ll treat her sweetly. He is essentially the perfect man whom you can take home to mom and dad; he’ll even do the dishes and comment on your mother’s fine taste in draperies.
Now this is all fine and dandy, but the problem lies in the very heart of the beast. A good guy is already, in a sense, the perfect man and some women find this unappealing. Even though he offers comfort and assurance, there is no room for him to grow in the relationship. Most girls find the good boy charming, like a prince who will treat her like a princess. Perfect means finished, and a lady would rather pursue a man who has some faults or defects in which she can have a hand in changing. Women love to change things, and nothing has more to change than a bad boy does.
There is something dangerous and attractive about the bad boy. He is mysterious, daring, confident in his spontaneity, and knows where the party is. He is prone to take you on a wild drive in his Mitsubishi Eclipse while playing flip cup on the dashboard. Risk taking is involved and in the back of a woman’s mind. She’s thinking, “Maybe I can be the girl to turn him around.” A girl enjoys the challenge of it with hopes that the guy will realize his romantic side, alter his rogue lifestyle, and fall for the girl.
The risk lies in that soon the fun of changing him wears off and it makes her miserable trying. Or perhaps the guy doesn’t turn out the way she envisioned. Simplified, a woman wants to break a bad boy’s shell to expose the good guy deep inside, so that the guy shares qualities from both ends of the spectrum.
Now as far as the guy is concerned, a bad girl compared to a good girl is an equally hard decision – despite our affinity to girls like Christina Aguilera. Bad girls are looking for love, but quick love, which adheres to a guy’s need for instant gratification. It’s about the need for Mr. Right-Now versus Mr. Right, and any guy would be happy to answer that call.
Basically, bad girls are like shots of tequila. They make your head dizzy, give you a warm feeling in your gut, get your heart beating faster, but with too many you’ll end up asleep on the bathroom floor. They hold a crazed passion for life and are in it for the thrill. A bad girl won’t ask a guy to meet the folks, won’t want to go see a chick flick, and won’t drop the “L” word. She provides security for a guy since he won’t have to worry about these things.
This girl’s dark, tempting, crazy side keeps a guy guessing and coming back for more. She has her guy on a short leash with a very strong hook at the end. This is what every guy secretly desires – to be controlled, and to act out those crazy thoughts bouncing throughout his head.
The drawback to all this is when the guy craves affection or a quiet night at home, the bad girl is out flirting with all his friends. This is when the good girl comes in handy. The good girl is the type of woman that’ll stand by a guy and make him feel like a king for a day. She’ll laugh at his lame pick up lines, snuggle up to him on the couch, and think that him wearing the same t-shirt for three straight days is cute. The guy just wants a warm place to rest his head, and a sweet smelling bathroom, which the good girl provides.
Taking all this into consideration I have come to two conclusions. A guy wants a good girl with a dark, wicked, bad side, and a woman wants a bad boy with hints of a sweeter, good side. Now does this mean that this is true for every case? No, of course not, I’m just generalizing. But I’m sure I am actually making some sense, and I’m just as surprised as you are.
Ben Feder is a Collegian columnist.
