The holiday season is almost upon us, and in celebration of this most festive time, I’m writing a letter to Santa. Since I’m Jewish, Santa Claus didn’t come to my house very often, so now that the economy is in a recession, I’ve decided to cash my Yuletide chips in and make up lost time with the gift-bearer himself, Mr. Claus.

There are a truckload of things I’d like under my tree this year, so I had some trouble narrowing down my wish list. Joe Lieberman elected president, a new car, and world peace rank as just a few of the wishes topping my list. However, bearing in mind that I’m a senior, and considering the tight job market I’ll be diving into next year, I decided to write a different letter to Santa than I’d originally intended: I’m writing a cover letter to Old St. Nick to which I’ll attach my resume.

I’m still working on it, but here’s what I have so far:

Santa Claus, Inc.

123 Yuletide Lane

North Pole, Arctic Circle

Dear Mr. Claus:

After carefully researching the North Pole, I believe that I am a perfect fit with your firm. I look fantastic in green, I am only five feet tall, and I love to tinker. Furthermore, as a Jewish American woman, I can bring much-needed diversity to your team of wood-working professionals.

Although my work experience is largely in the public relations and journalism fields, I can bring a variety of skills that will enhance the toy-making environment. First of all, although I am vertically challenged by human standards, I am taller than the average elf and can reach important toy-making materials stored on the top shelves. Secondly, as a current resident of New England, I can easily adapt to cold winters and months of snow.

Concerning my degree, I am a legal studies and political science double major at the University of Massachusetts, and my extracurricular activities include the University Democrats, The Massachusetts Daily Collegian and making merry. I also have a minor in Japanese and a certificate in international relations. Additionally, my high school class voted me “Most Likely to be Jolly.” My educational background and personal interests will be a perfect match with your corporation.

As a young professional with a background in international politics, I can assist and advise reindeer transportation technicians in matters relating to cross-continental travel, foreign customs and so forth. Furthermore, I can use legal research and writing experience to prevent lawsuits over defective toys and cases of non-merriment.

Regarding my experience as a public relations professional: if you consider the large number of American children who do not believe in Santa Claus, and those abroad who do not yet know that you exist, clearly a solid PR campaign is long overdue. Furthermore, the North Pole needs a Children Outreach center to ensure that Buddhist, Jewish and Muslim children are not left out of the loop.

I have put a proposal together that I am attaching to my resume. It includes a Web site, where children can electronically transmit wish lists and can check their status (naughty or nice) in real time. I also propose that the North Pole embark on a major ad campaign, targeting the 18-24 year old demographic called, “Got Merry?” We could hold photo shoots with swimsuit models and sports celebrities donning long white beards and rosy cheeks. I believe this is an excellent way to secure control of the tinkering and joy distribution markets.

In conclusion, I bring a wide breadth of professional and educational knowledge to the North Pole, coupled with a keen personal interest in holiday cheer and plywood. I look forward to becoming a part of your team of elves and flying deer in the land of enchantment.

You can reach me any time at home or on my mobile telephone. I am looking forward to discussing my resume with you further.

Sincerely,

Rachel E. Smith

There it is, my one wish this year: a job. I hope this job pans out, because according to the Bureau of Labor Statistics, jobs are not only hard to come by, but they pay less for longer hours. The average American is earning $.01 less per hour than 10 years ago, and working more hours per week. I hope Santa offers vacation time in his benefits package.

Like many college students, my search does not end here, with my first cover letter. I’ll send out many more before I graduate, and hopefully I’ll find something. In the mean time, I’ll be waiting to hear back from Santa.

Rachel Smith is a Collegian columnist.