‘Honey’

Universal Studios

rated PG-13

Running time: 94 mins.

For this review of “Honey,” I seriously considered just trotting out my review of “Glitter” from two years ago.

Just stick in the name Jessica Alba every time it says Mariah Carey, and substitute the word “dancer” every time it says “singer.” But then you’d catch me plagiarizing myself, and that wouldn’t be fair to you, the reader.

It also wouldn’t be entirely accurate – because “Honey” is so much more than just a retread of “Glitter.” It’s also a barely warmed-over version of “Flashdance,” with elements of “Breakin’,” “8 Mile” and “Save the Last Dance” tossed in. It almost veers into “Showgirls” territory when Alba’s character, whose name is Honey, finds herself in physical danger at an exclusive party.

Even “Showgirls” was more interesting than this, if only for its guilty-pleasure allure, and because it featured a predatory Gina Gershon chewing up the scenery along with her brown rice and steamed vegetables.

“Honey” is far tamer: an after-school special with a hip-hop beat. Honey aspires to be a dancer and choreographer in music videos, but a taste of the high life teaches her that she’d rather go back where she started, teaching the latest moves to kids at a Bronx community center. In the end, she’s just Honey from the block.

But before she figures that out, she gets her big break, thanks to Michael (David Moscow), the fly-for-a-white-guy music video director who discovers her workin’ it on the dance floor at the club where she’s a bartender. (The film is the feature debut from Bille Woodruff, himself a music video director.)

In no time – and seriously, this happens way too fast – she’s dancing front and center in a Jadakiss video, she’s choreographing moves for Tweet and Ginuwine, and Missy Elliott is demanding her services. All these artists make cameos as themselves, and they, like everyone else in the movie, can’t stop fawning over Honey.

(Elliott, by the way, is listed in the opening credits, and it seems like forever until she shows up; when she finally does, she’s hilarious, divine – the first person with a personality. Then poof! She’s gone, and the movie is, too. Was it worth it?)

While Alba, the former “Dark Angel” star, a fantastically gorgeous – and this really is her dancing – there is simply no “there” there. Even the equally gorgeous Mekhi Phifer, who plays her boyfriend, can’t create any sparks with her. And Joy Bryant, so likable as the girlfriend in “Antwone Fisher,” doesn’t help in a one-note role as Honey’s sassy best friend.

The feeble attempts at “dialogue” and “plot” include Honey repeatedly uttering some variation of “Ya flava’s hot” to dancers she admires – when she’s not trying to keep the neighborhood kids (including rapper Lil’ Romeo and a mopheaded Zachary Williams, who resembles a young Justin Guarini) out of trouble.

Her makeup is always flawless, though – in the rain, first thing in the morning, even after teaching a challenging dance class.

“It doesn’t matter whether you mess up, as long as you keep counting,” she tells a student who falls during a routine.

That’s good advice for anyone who goes to see “Honey,” too – just keep counting the minutes until the movie’s over.