Thanksgiving is over, but I have some gratitude left to share with the world. I have some turkey, too. I also have a huge credit card bill for my plane ticket home last week. If you’re low on veneration, let me know. I’m low on cash, and we can probably work something out.

Thank goodness the presidential election is coming up, and thank goodness Senator Joe Lieberman is running. All of the Democratic candidates have great qualities, but only Sen. Lieberman can lead our country during these difficult times. He’s strong in the same areas where President George W. Bush is strong, like on national defense. However, he can beat Bush where’s he’s weak: on social and economic policies.

The University of Massachusetts deserves several thank you’s for teaching me the pure joys of bureaucracy tempered by my love of learning. I wouldn’t have nearly as much fun here if I spent as much time in class as I do in the bursar’s line. That kind of tedium facilitates a zen-like self-awareness that can only arrive at fruition behind the velvet ropes of the Whitmore Administration building. Thank you, UMass, thank you.

Thank you, President George W. Bush for being so darn adorable. He is just as cute as a button on a baby’s pajamas. Every time he stumbles through another speech about how and why our civil liberties are actually un-American, I just want to coo.

I owe many, many thank-you’s to my family, who have stuck by me the only way a Lower East Side New York, Jewish mom and dad can – with much guilt and a healthy does of nagging. Yes, I’m getting enough sleep. It’s a proven fact that tequila reduces a college student’s need for shuteye by at least 20 percent. That means I’m getting around 40 percent more sleep than I actually need. Other students can feel free to cut and paste this completely fictional statistic into their e-mails and sent it home to concerned parents. I guarantee you they’ll be thrilled.

I’m grateful for my off-campus apartment. The rats are gone now, and the electricity doesn’t flicker as much as it did in the summer. My bathroom stopped leaking, and I don’t smell the upstairs neighbor’s dog lately. I hope it’s not dead. Actually, yes I do. This is a terrific bargain in Amherst for $700 a month, which I split with my roommate (when he makes the rent on time). Ah, the joys of independence are endless.

Thank you to whoever invented group projects. I love doing all the work meant for six people and getting an “A/B” for my efforts. There’s nothing more frustrating than an “A/B.” It’s like one of those guys who extends his hand to shake yours, then retracts it really quickly. “Hey, here’s an ‘A!’ Congratulations! Nope! Gotcha!” Group projects help me build character. Unfortunately, this character is about to snap, sit cross-legged on the floor of the Blue Wall and count plastic knives until somebody forcibly removes her.

My thanks go to Gov. Mitt Romney, the state of Massachusetts or whoever is responsible for cutting financial aid to out-of-state students. I’m honored to be your cash cow; I only hope I can afford to stay next semester.

I am truly grateful for coffee. There is nothing more satisfying than ingesting so much caffeine that my left eye twitches uncontrollably. Between the coffee and the tequila, I’ll never need to sleep again.

Thank goodness for University Health Services. Unless we elect a Democrat into office in 2004, most of us graduating seniors won’t get health coverage comparable to the service we get at UHS for quite some time, if ever. I’m thankful for health care while I have it.

I am eternally grateful for calzones at midnight. My hips, on the other hand, are probably less appreciative.

On the subject of food, I’m thankful for $6 stale sandwiches at the Blue Wall. I would have never known that tuna fish ages so well if I had never come to UMass. One of these days, I’ll try the roast beef, but I want to make sure I do it over a long weekend, just in case.

Thank you, Student Government Association for free newspapers. Allocating student fees for The New York Times and The Boston Globe was an excellent idea. Being a student is more than attending class; it’s about integrating learned knowledge into the world around us. Picking up a decent newspaper and checking out what’s going on outside of UMass is an integral part of scholarship.

Finally, I’m thankful for all the things I take for granted now that I’ll miss when I graduate next semester, like writing this column or standing in line at the Financial Aid office. This is a little early for New Year’s resolutions, but I intend to set aside more time for giving thanks, even for the stuff I dislike, as I prepare for my journey out of UMass and back into reality.

Rachel Smith is a Collegian columnist.