I would like to mourn the loss of one of my best “gal pals.” Recently I lost her to what seems to be an epidemic – coupledom.

Everyone knows who they are. They are those boyfriends and girlfriends that seem to be virtually attached to each other. Whether it is at the DC, in your lectures or (for some) the room next door, they are inescapable. In fact, you may even personally know a few people who have fallen victim to this apparent tragedy.

Sure, you have to admit that they do look cute together. But for anyone who is forced into continuous contact with these couples knows how that “cuteness” quickly turns into a sickly sweetness that makes you queasy. Frankly, all those funny habits he has about his food and the pet names that have been made may be endearing, but I really would prefer not to hear about it all the time. As for the PDA, get a room, and preferably not mine. It’s hard to hang out with “the girls” when there is a guy around, and I don’t want to cut off all contact with my friend, but he has got to go when girl talk time comes around.

Another problem I have found when trying to find some time with my friend is that she tends to only hang out with other couples, leaving me as the infamous fifth wheel. I am not about to go on a double date with them, not only because it is awkward, but also because it makes me want a guy of my own!

And needless to say the moment I mention that, well, these couples have “the perfect guy” for me. “Run, run away as fast as possible,” I tell myself. Not that there is anything wrong with having a significant other (I would like one some day), but as for now it seems like they are wasting of a lot of good opportunities to meet other people or get involved with school because it cuts into “their time.”

I know I probably just offended many couples out there, but don’t get me wrong – I don’t want a break up. I just more time with my friend! Less “makin’ bacon” and more girl talk and long awaited trips to the mall. That’s all I am asking for, but even if I cannot fit into her schedule I will never give up hope. I will always be there for her, don’t doubt that, and will have a pint of Chunky Monkey ready for her introduction back into the single life when necessary.

Kimberly M Johnson is a UMass student.