It’s time to recognize the fact that all the critics of same-sex marriage are right. The value and sanctity of the institution of marriage is being threatened, and in some cases torn down, by a problematic, virulent force nobody is really willing to talk about.

The hitch? They’re attacking the wrong target. Two men, or two women, who want to get married to each other, are in no way destroying the importance or relevance of marriage. On the contrary, two people who love each other, and want to signify that love by legally and spiritually committing themselves to one another for life is exactly the point of marriage, and the very reason it is so special.

But there is a social problem with marriage, an element of society that is ruining the sacredness of matrimony. And you have probably taken part in it.

The problem is on our television screens a dozen times a week.

It began with the highly watched, heavily anticipated “The Bachelor” show. The plot was simple: take one rich, improbably good-looking man, and have him whittle a list of women down to one who he liked a lot. Then, they go off and get engaged, married, and have a happily-ever-after life together.

Pop culture was enraptured. Television viewers across the country waited with bated breath to see who the lucky fella would eliminate next. They would become attached to some of the “contestants,” a meat-market group of suitors who the man would hardly know when it came time to choose the woman with whom he’d spend the rest of his life.

It didn’t stop there. Next, there was another installment of “The Bachelor,” and then “The Bachelorette,” to give a jilted woman from one of the first shows a shot at her own dream guy. Even worse, the concept grew in its morbid, cruel use of marriage and love as a ratings weapon.

Possibly the worst of all of these shows was “Married by America,” where you, the lucky viewer, got to screen some poor schlub’s choices for a mate, and then vote off the island the suitors you just didn’t like so much. It’s hard to tell what was more pathetic here: that someone would leave his or her fate up to the idiots gawking on prime-time TV at home, or that enough people actually watched the show to make it noteworthy.

Before we go on, it’s important to note that a basis for “Married by America” is the arranged marriage, which is popular in countries that have likely never thought of the idea as something to put on TV. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not even close to bashing that tradition. The bastardization of that tradition, though, well, that’s fair game.

Of course, as is always the case in television development, one idea became the basis for a million spin-offs, some successful (see “Joe Millionaire”), some not so successful and all a travesty against the tradition and importance of marriage.

And now, a new spin: The ABC show “Extreme Makeover” recently featured a couple from Ipswich, Mass. who, before getting married, wanted extensive plastic surgery done to fix all of their superficial flaws. While I have no right to tell these people they shouldn’t have had plastic surgery – if they’re disappointed with their looks, and have the means, go for it – it is troubling that their lives prior to the procedure were depicted as sad and unfulfilling, and then after the work was done, their wedding was presented as a triumphant event. And it certainly was, but only because they were so gosh darn good looking. The minister who presided over the ceremony became a game show host, anxiously describing the “big reveal” that has become the climax of every “Extreme Makeover” episode.

It’s all enough to make you want to forget marriage altogether.

Full disclosure: I am an only child, and my parents were divorced when I was three years old. As a result, marriage has had a different meaning for me than I suspect for others. It has become more important than almost anything in life. Marriage is, in my humble opinion, the most amazing, honorable, admirable thing two people in love with each other can do. And when I see that it is being degraded to the point that a coiffed, tanned TV host is guiding a woman’s hand through the hole in a frosted-glass partition, so that a complete stranger on the other side can slide a ring onto it, I feel incredibly betrayed.

We have lost touch with what is special and holy about marriage. We have lost our connection to what makes the ring important. It doesn’t matter how pretty the other person is, or whether or not they also like opera. It should be up to nobody but the two people getting married to make the decision. And yet, we watch. We give the networks reason to sell ad space. We cross our fingers and close our eyes, just praying that Trista will pick the right guy, the guy we like more than the other guy, who was somehow better than the other 40 shallow, fame-hungry participants in this carnival of depravity.

All this, while the divorce rate in the United States reaches an abominable number, predicted to be as high as 50 percent by the U.S. Census Bureau. While that number isn’t entirely perfect, it does suggest an alarming trend. The true assailant of the American marriage is not same-sex unions, same-sex marriage, or any semantic variation. It is the powerful and harmful aspect of our culture that has degraded marriage to the point that it can be exploited on television.

That two people are so in love with each other that they want to get married is enough for me. And it is a disturbing hypocrisy that one of the leading voices in the anti-gay marriage conflict are religious groups, when the highest divorce rates come from marriages between two religious people. We must stop attacking the idea of same-sex marriage, because it has absolutely the same value as an opposite-sex marriage. We must refocus our criticisms on our own culture, which allows the manipulation of marriage to run rampant enough to make the idea of matrimony fodder for sweeps week.

Material from Americans for Divorce Reform was used in this column.

Andrew Merritt is a Collegian columnist.