Countless writers, poets, theologians, sociologist and porn-stars much brighter than I have dictated the idea and act of love … so why even bother? What I’m interested in conveying to you is the art of the break-up.

Heartbreak is a curious phenomenon because it’s the only thing that afflicts emotional, mental and physical damage to both parties – the breaker and the breakee – involved in the break-up. Not any other weapon is more damaging to someone’s ego as telling them, “You are no longer wanted or desired.”

It’s also detrimental to the person doing the break-up. You feel terrible and horrible as you plunge this double-edge sword into a once loved-one’s heart. It’s like you pick up a cute baby animal and started strangling it just to watch the last of its breath escape its body. Now that’s an image.

OK. So now that I’ve gotten all of you feeling like absolute dirt about any past break-ups, even the one when you were 14 leaving for summer camp and you weren’t going to the campfire social feeling “tied-down,” let’s examine it.

The break-up was a simple relationship device. You fall in love, have some fun times, some bad times, and you fall out of it, so you break up. Easy as can be. Well the break-up has evolved into something else that isn’t as easy to manage, handle or even detect. This is the new founded “taking a break” complex.

How this works is that a couple, usually one that is past the one-year mark, hits some rough times. The two individuals try and work it out. They pretend they aren’t having troubles, maybe get naked a few more times to see if they just need to sweat it out, but it’s to no avail. So with the end in sight, they decide it’s not working out. In the olden days, anything predating 1999, these two would be riding the 7:30 p.m. train to Splitsville. But now, they decide they need a break.

What taking a break means is that a couple is not completely broken up, but in the event that one needs a shoulder to cry on, a mouth to kiss, or a warm body next to him/her, the other can always find them. It’s putting off the inevitability that couples will have to face the cold, bitter harshness of reality in the single life. Afraid of this change in lifestyle and mating habits, couples lean toward the false comfort of the “taking a break” mantra.

Within the break, you have a lifeline connected to the other person. This thin strand could be an emotional connection, physical connection, or maybe you just like to talk to each other. You can’t have them all, however, or else you’d be a couple again, so it’s a gamble. There are problems with these lifelines though.

If you have an emotional connection, you aren’t getting any. You will have to deal with your ex’s problems, help them out, let them vent to you … but you will forever be looking at their underwear drawer with a reminiscing glint in your eye. You’ll also have to deal with the jealousy of watching your ex with their new dates and then have to listen to any of the complaints about your new replacements.

Some people may think of this as being nice and helping someone out in need, and it’s always good to be nice, but in moderation. Otherwise you have become a doormat. A potted plant can do just as good a job listening, and the plant is probably more interesting in your ex’s new sexual encounters than you anyway. Eventually you realize the break is over, you are officially dumped, and you could have saved yourself the trouble three months prior and enjoyed yourself.

The physical connection, while fun, is shallow. You don’t talk to your ex; you don’t share that same exhilarating emotionally bond; you just can’t keep your hands off each other. Three months later, you either will become sick of each other or very aware of how you’re taking advantage of your past relationship just to get a little nookie. Don’t fall into this trap. It’ll only cause trouble in the end and make it extremely difficult to start a new relationship.

If you just like to talk to the other person, then you are broken up. There is no need to keep the taking a break charade going. This is actually the best possible option, for it means that you and your ex can get on with your lives and keep the friendship intact, built upon the foundation of your past love.

Whenever I overhear a person commenting on their significant other and with a downward glance they utter, “Oh we’re just taking a break,” I feel the dignity quickly sucked out of the room. So cut the cord, cut off your air supply, and be happy to just be floating free. You may even find you can breathe out their in the cold, bleak darkness anyway.

Ben Feder is a Collegian columnist.