They are so lonely, so alone, and mistreated by everyone. How many of you have neglected them? I bet you’re guilty of it, you selfish person. Chances are, you don’t even care.

They’re abused, tormented, and laughed at. But they’re beautiful and every bit as much a part of UMass as you or I – perhaps more so by some accounts. Do you really know them? Have you even taken the time to feed them or talk to them?

Our campus pond is the home of two trumpeter swans. They have to go through a lot every year, and you don’t even say hi. What nerve! Freezing-cold, foodless weather in the winter and scorching heat in the summer is just the beginning.

Every spring and fall, hundreds of rude, noisy Canadian geese have the chutzpah to invade the pond and make it their temporary resting place. Ill-tempered and constantly squawking, they’re not much different than the people in the country from which they come. Crowding around the pond, the Canadian geese are not pleasant company.

For years, a sturdy old mute swan by the name of Sidney inhabited the UMass pond, until he passed away in 1998. Fellow students who are still here remember him as spoiled and violent. But those who knew the real Sidney remember that once you got to know him, he was a lot kinder. Sure he would violently hiss and peck at all those who came near him, demanded to be put indoors in the winter and had an attitude problem. But he never said a mean thing and was outgoing and optimistic.

Around 1998, with the passing of Sydney, four new swans were brought to UMass. One died and another was kidnapped, which left the two present swans in the pond. Some sensitive students have complained that the swans are aggressive, alleging that the birds flap their wings, give mean looks and threaten to bite those who approach. However, I think the swans have a right to be a bit suspicious after what happened to their fellow pond mates. Also, the fact that the pond is nestled between the two most hideous buildings the world has ever seen – the Fine Arts Center and the Campus Center, makes it even worse.

Just to make sure that the swans don’t consider leaving UMass for cleaner ponds – such as the one by Mount Holyoke College or the evil University of New Hampshire campus pond – UMass took the liberty of clipping their wings. I’m sure they didn’t enjoy flying anyway. Why fly when you can walk?

Aside from abuse from humans, Canadians, and Canadian geese, our campus swans are sexually frustrated. Swans like their privacy when they mate, much like humans, and with the hustle and bustle of our busy campus during each and every season, who can blame them? So either they’ve been very patient for some privacy for the past few years, or the two remaining swans are both the same gender, or perhaps there is just no swan chemistry. Either way, there must be some frustration; one can only feel sympathy for them.

So come spend time with the swans. Talk to them or sing to them. Perhaps even come feed them – I’m sure they’d enjoy a piece of fresh bread, an aquatic beetle or even a snail. The UMass swan is the only way to go.

Gilad Skolnick is a Collegian columnist.