So long sweet summer
People, it feels so good to be back. September is here once again, and we all know what that means. More classes, less cleavage, and National Grandparents’ Day on September 12. Consider this a heads up: send a card. They’ll appreciate it.
Anyway, now that summer’s over, we’re finally free of those crappy summer jobs, the who-did-who’s of hometown gossip, and those damn parents who blame you for every computer problem and hint that you have a drinking problem on a daily basis. It’s always a breath of fresh air to come back to Amherst and get back into the swing of our crappy campus jobs, the who-did-who-over-the-summer’s of UMass gossip, and those damn RD’s who blame you for every dorm problem and hint, through bulletin boards, that you have a drinking problem on a daily basis. But hey, change is good.
Although everyone insists on putting cheerleader-like emphasis on the importance of the upcoming semester, sometimes it’s just as important to rewind and take a look back at the summer that lies in our collective wake. So without further ado, here’s what apparently happened between Commencement in May and that stupid Convocation thing that the freshmen were suckered into going to.
The Democratic National Convention came to Massachusetts, and I’ll openly admit that I know only two things about it: 1.) Watching it gave me that feeling in my stomach that I get when I watch middle-aged people dance to “Kool and the Gang” at weddings, and 2) It absolutely destroyed my plans to go out drinking in Boston that weekend, forcing me to sit at home and continuously email the “Boston Globe” with fake sightings for their ridiculously un-confirmable Celebrity Sightings List. To those of you who actually went out to the park that Sunday in hopes of seeing Stephanie Tanner walking her dog Comet, well I owe you an apology.
In real celebrity news, Ashlee Simpson stormed onto the music scene, gaining credibility and giving hope to not-as-good-looking, not-as-talented little sisters with underlying body image issues across the nation. If this logic holds true, Britney Spears’ little sister will be bigger than Madonna and Michael Jackson combined. Ms. Simpson also became the first girl to stubbornly refuse to get rid of her bangs since my friend Kelley put those bushy things to rest in April of eighth grade. As for her older sister Jessica, the size of her mouth seems to grow with every song she sings.
Britney would not be outdone by little Simpson, however, announcing her engagement in June to current back-up dancer and current Shar-Jackson’s-baby’s-daddy, Kevin Federline. Spears confirms that yes, employing her fianc
