I picked up my cap and gown this week, with my bright yellow tassel, free textbook annex cup and UMass cell phone pad holder for cars, and it hit me – I am leaving UMass. I brought home this graduation outfit and placed it on the floor where it is still sitting.

My roommate picked hers up too, and tried it on, as they told us to, to make sure that it fits. Other friends have worn theirs around.

I have not.

I am not ready to put it on, because it will mean that it is real. I have thought about graduation now and again in the past four years, always feeling like it was so far away. Now that it is here, I don’t know what to think.

The day is planned. After graduation, my roommate and I are having family and friends over to our apartment for cake and other food. Later that night, some of my family will go out to dinner. The next day I am packing my car and moving to New York City. It’s all set.

So why won’t I try on my cap and gown?

I guess I thought that this would feel different when I was going to graduate, like I would be a different person, with a job waiting for me and a fabulous future ahead of me. Well, the truth is that there is no job waiting for me. I am moving to a whole new place, where I know very few people, and taking a great risk.

I am leaving friends behind and doing something that I have always dreamed of doing, but what I always thought and was told was impossible. My mom told me a few years ago not to move to New York City; because it was going to be hard to find a job, place to live, and it was going to be too expensive. Other people have told me not to go because I am too young to, not only be moving to New York City, but also in with my boyfriend. To the people that have been a little less than supportive, I say, it is my decision – and all I ask for is your support in case the plan fails.

I am taking a chance, but I am also fulfilling a dream that I have had since before high school.

I am making it happen, and it’s terrifying.

Although I am scared, I am ready to move on. I feel that UMass – especially the journalism program, studying abroad, working on campus and writing for the Collegian – has prepared me to take the next step and enter the competitive world of journalism.

My advice to people left at UMass: it’s true what people tell you, take advantage of your time here because it goes by fast. Although it’s stressful to be busy with all of your classes, you must plan ahead to make things happen at UMass. Do an internship, write for the Collegian, study abroad, take advantage of everything that this school has to offer you. No one is going to come up to you at UMass and make you do it – you have to do it for yourself. And even though it’s hard, I believe that it will make it easier to navigate through the world in the future.

Thank you to everyone who has been there throughout the years. I will miss you and we have to keep in touch, not just say that we are going to.

Jamie Mason was a copy editor and staff reporter. She can be reached at [email protected].