Most of us can feign a sizeable amount of concern over big-time political scandals. And why not? There are plenty to choose from. Former Republican hopeful Rudy Giuliani had been hypocritically making campaign ads in Spanish, while simultaneously condemning the quest for citizenry from those who can’t “habla Ingles.” Political strategist Hillary Clinton has been crying buckets on national television, producing results which are defying convention by somehow gaining her popularity.

In spite of all this troubling national ballyhoo, nobody has been addressing the most important scandal of all, which is about insurance here in Massachusetts. The reason you need to be concerned about this is more obvious than a gun-point robbery, and twice as literal; if you’ve got any unresolved health insurance issues this month, you’ll be owing the state money.

Our home state has graciously offered to take some of that cumbersome money off of our hands if we’re not to be bothered with a luxury like health insurance. Most of you may not have to worry about this, but the recently passed Massachusetts insurance law has raised my personal threat meter to an even more abstract fluorescent color.

So what are the penalties for those people like me who, for one reason or another, don’t happen to have a fat wad of insurance stuffed in their back pockets? They will be asked to pay small and easily manageable fines ranging from hundreds to thousands of dollars annually, increasing with every income bracket.

Wait, did I say “small and easily manageable fines?” I don’t know how that slipped in there, sorry about that. I of course meant “oh my, I’m ruined.”

The uninsured living right here in Massachusetts (and you might be one of them) will face fines of “$76 a month for those with moderate incomes,” according to an article in the Boston Globe.

An absurd question crossed my mind: If an individual could afford to pay that fee, couldn’t it instead easily be put towards a personal insurance policy for him?

Of course it could. People don’t choose to be uninsured, just the same as they don’t choose to be poor. If people can’t afford insurance, what makes state legislators think that these people can afford to pay ridiculous penalties? Somehow, I don’t think that “be healthy – or else” is a fair or effective policy.

There are over 748,000 uninsured people living in Massachusetts, which, according to The Boston Globe, is a leap of 10 percent over last year. In other words, there are 66,000 more people right here at home who are essentially up the creek without the paddle of health necessity, down the waterfall of incessant taxation. The legislature is kicking them while they are down, and it’s not as if they can simply get up and stagger into a hospital for treatment.

Some of you might even be wondering why those in lower income brackets can’t simply apply for free coverage, thereby sparing themselves the costly punishments levied by the state.

I’m glad you asked. For people like me, who have applied for MassHealth insurance and been granted full coverage, there is a uniquely dubious scenario. My “full coverage” has been cancelled – without my knowing – multiple times for frivolous things like “emergency hospital visits,” and “needing to see a specialist.”

I will always remember the first time I applied as an independent applicant for insurance from MassHealth. I remember getting the admission letter full of fake enthusiasm, along with a nifty little membership card and a book of regulations and proceedings that was so lengthy that it would have made the great Dostoevsky wet himself.

All of those letters and novels about how good their coverage was were very comforting to me, especially when I desperately needed that thing that they were haphazardly providing (medical attention).

I suspect that there are many others in the same predicament that I was in. If this is where the people with lower incomes turn to for medical coverage, then the legislative process which now forces the poor to adopt this garbage is like speed dating for the hopelessly awkward.

I now realize the conundrum. Heath insurance companies are businesses, nothing more. People like me are going to get fined because businesses are interested in making money. Conversely, they’re not interested in the health and well-being of everyone, unlike the friendly and benevolent state legislators are. Oh yeah, about that; they’re already contemplating raising the aforementioned penalties for the uninsured even higher, because the Boston Globe reported concern that the fees are “too low.”

With all these ridiculous decisions being made for me, I wouldn’t be surprised if the end of the world really did arrive soon. Not too soon, I hope. I still need to get insurance.

Devon Courtney is a Collegian columnist. He can be reached at [email protected].