Massachusetts Daily Collegian

A free and responsible press serving the UMass community since 1890

A free and responsible press serving the UMass community since 1890

Massachusetts Daily Collegian

A free and responsible press serving the UMass community since 1890

Massachusetts Daily Collegian

Late night hosts throw down over Huckabee

While the writers’ strike has been problematic for Hollywood as a whole, it has led to a great and incredibly hilarious feud.

Late night talk show hosts Stephen Colbert, Jon Stewart and Conan O’Brien culminated a month long, on-air bout with a dramatic, three-show crossover special Monday night.

The feud began, strangely enough, over politics and Republican presidential candidate Mike Huckabee. Following Huckabee’s surprise win in the Iowa caucus, both Colbert and O’Brien made separate claims that they were responsible for the rise in Huckabee’s campaign.

Colbert stated that because of Huckabee’s appearance on the “Colbert Report,” Huckabee received the “Colbert bump,” which, in turn, led to him being taken seriously as a presidential candidate. Huckabee even asserted that he would consider a Huckabee/Colbert ticket if he won the nomination.

O’Brien, on the other hand, claimed that his “Walker, Texas Ranger lever,” which breathed life back into the career of Chuck Norris, was responsible for Huckabee’s success. Norris is an outspoken Huckabee supporter and has joined Huckabee on the campaign trail. Norris can also be seen behind Huckabee in many of his public speeches. Thus O’Brien claimed, since he revived Norris and Norris revived Huckabee, O’Brien revived Huckabee.

While that logic may seem airtight, it did not sit well with Colbert. A few days later on his show, Colbert again stated he was responsible for Huckabee and issued a warning to O’Brien. “Back off of Mike Huckabee or I will kick your translucent white ass. You got that, Irish?”

Naturally, the threat did not go unanswered. “My a** is not translucent. It’s white with streaks of pink,” O’Brien replied. He continued by agreeing with Colbert that the “Colbert bump” may have been responsible for Huckabee but that O’Brien, by merely mentioning Colbert’s name on his “powerful network show,” was responsible for the success of Colbert, who O’Brien said was the “temporary host of the ‘Colbert Report.’ They’ll find someone soon.” In a nut shell, Colbert made Huckabee, O’Brien made Colbert, and therefore O’Brien made Huckabee.

The feud seemed settled once and for all as Colbert had no retort to O’Brien’s claim. He then received some unexpected help. While in the process of admitting defeat on “The Colbert Report,” Colbert was interrupted by friend and fellow Comedy Central pundit Jon Stewart. Stewart asked the question: “Colbert made Huckabee and Conan made Colbert – who then, sir, made Conan O’Brien?”

With Colbert looking puzzled, Stewart produced a VHS tape and presented it to Colbert, who played it. The clip was of an episode of the “Jon Stewart Show” that was on MTV in the early ’90s. In the episode, the guest was “the tallest talk show host in broadcasting,” Conan O’Brien. Following the stream of logic started by O’Brien, Stewart concluded that “Colbert made Huckabee, O’Brien made Colbert, Jon Stewart made O’Brien, so Jon Stewart made Huckabee!”

O’Brien wasted little time in his response; last Friday, he produced a photograph that proved he was the doctor that delivered both Stewart and Colbert, and he was responsible for bringing them into this world and creating both of them.

He added a promise that if Colbert and Stewart didn’t drop this whole feud he would be forced to come to their studio and “kick some Comedy Central a**.”

All of this led up to the three-show showdown on Monday night.

On “A Daily Show with Jon Stewart,” Stewart opened the second segment with talk about the Super Bowl commercials. Before he could get through the introduction, Colbert appeared and started talking about Conan O’Brien. Colbert showed the photo O’Brien produced and talked about O’Brien’s promise. During the talking, O’Brien appeared behind both of them and declared that the fight was now on and that it was “go time.”

While Colbert and O’Brien were ready to throw down, Stewart hesitated because he was still in the process of taping his show. It was decided that Colbert and O’Brien would wait in the hall and the rumble would take place when Stewart was done. “A Daily Show” ended with Stewart going to the hallway, only to find O’Brien by himself, because Colbert was off taping his show.

“The Colbert Report” opened with Colbert talking about the feud. Stewart and O’Brien then appeared and the battle was gearing up to happen right there. Colbert was then the one to hesitate because he was in the middle of taping his show. Stewart and O’Brien then returned to the hallway and waited. Colbert ended the show walking into the hallway only to find Stewart by himself because O’Brien had left to tape his show.

The action culminated on “Late Night with Conan O’Brien.” After finishing his monologue, O’Brien recapped the feud and said he had heard trash talk from Stewart and Colbert for the last few hours and said “if I see either of them again I’m going to kick some Central Central a**.” With that, Colbert and Stewart appeared and, imitating “West Side Story,” complete with snapping, approached O’Brien’s desk. O’Brien pulled out a baseball bat and the three of them made their way back stage to fight. In a three-minute segment that can only be described as a resurgence of vaudeville-style comedy, the three exchanged blows with baseball bats, trash cans, a fire extinguisher, ice skates and, of course, fists. The battle ended with a dramatic reenactment of “Rocky III,” as all three men landed punches as the screen froze, “Eye of the Tiger” played and the screen faded to an artist’s rendering of the event.

The segment was then interrupted by a message from Mike Huckabee. Huckabee said none of them were responsible for Huckabee, but, “this great nation made me.” He ended by saying “vote for me, God bless America and forget these three idiots.”

While the ultimate victory of this battle between late night heavy weights is still undetermined, it is clear that fans everywhere win.

Ryan McAskill can be reached at [email protected].

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