Michael Phillis/Collegian

My name is Adam Szajgin. I am the Comics Editor for The Massachusetts Daily Collegian, and a full-time student at the University of Massachusetts. I am afraid of heights and I get cold very easily. Also, I’m not a huge fan of spiders. I have never trained with the British Special Forces, but I was a cub scout for a little while. Once, while playing tennis, I sprained my leg really bad. It hurt a lot. Although it may not sound like it, I assure you, I am almost as bad ass as I am good looking. In the interests of life, liberty and the eternal pursuit of heinous decision making, I agreed to spend a week in the wilderness of UMass foraging for food and fighting for my survival. This is my story. This is Man vs. UMass.

The rules of my quest, as determined by myself and fellow members of the Collegian staff, were quite simple. I would live for a full academic week, from the last Sunday of spring break to my last class on Friday, out in the wilderness of UMass. I would not be allowed to enter my own apartment for any reason, and thus would carry all of my belongings with me through the duration of my exploit.

I could not spend money or engage in monetary exchanges of any kind. To make my task a little bit more difficult, I would not accept charitable donations in the form of food or money from any of the many compassionate students on campus. If I wanted something for free, I would have to negotiate, charm or steal. This condition effectively precluded the prospect of sitting on the ground and begging for change, meals or sexual pleasuring.

I should also point out that I do not have a meal plan. Repeat: no meal plan.

Sunday morning arrived and brought with it an end to a spring break filled with sun and breasts – oh wait, that wasn’t my spring break at all. Let me take that again