Have you ever been walking into a building and you notice someone is hot on your trail? You notice their footsteps behind you. As you get to the door, you see their reflection in the window pain. You slow your step so they can catch up to your position. With the right timing, you open the door ushering the person behind you into the building before yourself. They step into the building and you expect to hear some resemblance of the word “thanks.” Call me old fashioned, but when I don’t hear that small, expected token of appreciation, I wish I could rewind the past 30 seconds of my day and have the door slammed in their face.

I don’t know if it’s just me, but it seems evident that manners have been forgotten. “Please” and “thank you” have seemingly fallen off the radar. A respectful nod in the streets when passing a stranger, or the polite looking someone in the eyes when talking to them has vanished.

Again, call me old fashioned, but I like manners. I understand in certain situations manners don’t apply. Opening the door for someone hot on your trail is expected if said person is one to seven feet behind you, yet once it gets to be more then seven feet, the deal’s off. Similar to this, you don’t have to say “God Bless You” to someone if said person is more than an arms distance away from you.

Manners, like all other generalities, apply generally. Yet nothing pisses me off more than when manners break down on a date or in a chivalrous situation.

Side note: Bring back the date.

This goes for everyone. Whether you’re straight or gay, bring back the date. The date, contrary to public belief, is not something your mom and dad did before you came into the picture. Regardless of what your friends might tell you, every once and a while the person you are courting wants to know that you want to be seen with them in a public setting other then at a party.

Get dressed up, make the plans, buy him/her a single rose or multiple flowers, etc. It doesn’t always have be a dinner date with a movie. Surprise your romantic interest by spending the night walking the streets window shopping while eating roasted walnuts amidst December snows, or take them to the observatory to look at the stars while sharing secret laughs about how Pluto was a planet when you were young. Every single and taken woman I know constantly complains about how the date has vanished. I agree and it’s not good. Something needs to be done about this.

But I digress.

Let’s go back to the opening-the-door example. I understand that women want to treat having a door opened for them as their own little chance to be a model on a runway making a big entrance, but just remember to say “thanks.” Nothing turns me off more then when I am on a date and because the girl thinks it is expected, she doesn’t acknowledge the little things. Acknowledge the little things. Call him on the B.S. Laugh at some of his jokes, not all. Drink less than him. Ask him questions, yet ask him questions which will allow yourself to retort with something about yourself (this makes his job easier). Pick up the bill by the fourth date.

The same goes for men. Ask her questions about everything. Never drink less than her, and never have two more drinks than her. Chew with your mouth closed. Never have just a salad. Stand up for her when she joins or leaves the table. Walk on the outside of the curb. Pay for the bill for the first three or four times (side note: If she doesn’t spring to pay the bill by the fourth date, date another girl). Open her car door. When taking a cab, if she has a skirt on, get in first so she doesn’t have to slide over etc.

Finally, pertaining to chivalry – act like a gentleman should. Do all the things a chivalrous man should do. The rights movement was successful, yet women still want to be doted upon. Again, for women chivalry might be expected, but treat it as a minor gift with a return in the form of a “thanks.”

I was raised with manners. Growing up in my household meant saying “please” and “thank you.” It meant that when my mom joined or left us at the dinner table, we stood. It meant opening doors, doing the dishes and doing laundry without being asked. Raising my voice to my parents was something which never happened for the simple reason that if I did, I feared my father would kill me out of respect for himself.

Manners are just that: a form of respect. They might be something small, but sometimes the smallest actions speak louder than the most aggressive words. People, not just dates, want your respect, and manners show them just that. Manners show the people around you your class and etiquette, yet more importantly, they show that you respect yourself and that others should too.

Brad Leibowitz writes on Thursdays. He can be reached at [email protected]