Dear Sophie,

I want to impress my boyfriend and be super sexy; however, in reality I am pretty gawky and awkward. I never know what to say or how to be enticing, and when I try to be an awesome foreplay goddess I fall flat. How can I go from average girl to sex kitten?

I’ll let you in on a little secret here: Your boyfriend already thinks you’re a sex kitten. The problem isn’t that your boyfriend doesn’t think you’re sexy, it’s that you don’t think you are.

You might find it easier to feel sexy if you ask your boyfriend what you could say, wear, or do that would especially turn him on. As a former stripper once told me, though, “Sexy is a state of mind,” and it’s really true. Doing what your boyfriend is into might make you feel safer, but what’s most important is that you figure out what you think is hot about yourself. Take the time to really check yourself out. Do you have great legs? Gorgeous hair? An awesome ass? When you’ve figured out what your sexiest features are, focus on them the next time you start having sex with your boyfriend, and you’re bound to feel sexier about yourself.

Dear Sophie,

Why do many females, especially here at UMass, decide to dress up for Halloween as scantily clad (“slutty,” if you will) as possible? Is it just a way for females to get easy attention? I’m curious about the psychology behind this, please explain!

As with so many other things, Mean Girls definitely got this one right, “In girl world, Halloween is the one night a year when a girl can dress like a total slut and no other girls can say anything about it.” Remember that—it’s the last useful thing Lindsay Lohan ever said. Anyway, the short answer is yes, it is an easy way to get attention (although boys do it too, not just girls).

The thing is, people like to feel sexy, and they like it when other people tell them they’re sexy. But, of course, dressing up sexily on any given day comes with a risk, because people are likely to look down on you for doing it. Halloween gives people an easy way out, since they can dress as sexily as they want, get the attention, and then say, “Oh, I’m just dressing up as this cool character who happens to be sexy!” It’s a win-win situation.

Obviously, I’m a total hypocrite. I dress up sexily almost every Halloween.

Got a problem of your own? Tell me about it at my Formspring.

Sophie Kaner can be reached at [email protected].