I detest it, I despise it and I abhor it. I try to avoid it by all possible means, as it is the subject of every nightmare and every fear. A college student’s worst problem is what I speak of, something so unpleasant, so horrid, that I would rather take a 9 a.m. class.
No, I do not speak of famine or pollution, but of a concept that to this day I am trying to comprehend: laundry. It was mid-semester during my freshmen year when I started noticing an absence of clothing in my drawer that this far-fetched idea of doing laundry crept up on me. I had to start being realistic; this terrible act would have to be done eventually, and I could no longer be in denial. I journeyed downstairs, and I did it.
To this very day I am still recovering from the horrors of doing laundry, trying to limit undergoing this procedure as much as possible. It is utterly ridiculous, for if now I am expected to regularly do laundry where will it end? Maybe next week I’ll be expected to sew my own clothing? Cut my own hair? I shall do whatever it takes to delay this event.
Luckily, running out of t-shirts has never been a problem, as just about every place or event is giving away a t-shirt and every club and organization is selling a really cool looking one these days. That’s not to mention that time last spring where I signed up for a dozen credit cards to get five t-shirts.
As for underwear, when my supplies dwindle it means taking a trip to Wal-Mart to restock. It doesn’t take up much space, and you can always buy more. I can go commando on weekends, and when left with no choice, a bathing suit can make a great substitute for boxers.
Socks are also cheap to buy, easy to steal from your roommate or even find lying around in the laundry room. When those run out, I go by the philosophy that it’s sandal weather until I see snow.
Now, jeans were designed in the 1800s with one purpose in mind, to be rugged and last long. The miners in California used them as they chipped at rocks all day in the dark dirty cold mines. These magical pieces of clothing have an amazing ability not to get dirty and smell good for long periods of time. In other words, change sparingly.
Unfortunately, there comes a time every semester when it’s too cold to go outside only wearing paper bags, when there is no choice. Unlike the spoiled people of Orchard Hill, the lazy people of Southwest, or the sly people of Sylvan, Central has no such elevators. We in upper central value such fine things as exercise and not wasting electricity. Unfortunately, this includes walking down sometimes up to five flights of stairs with a months worth of laundry, which can get quite heavy.
I do not oppose this practice of laundry because of ecological, financial or ideological reasons, but simply because of its difficulty. It’s just that I have an easier time getting something completed in Whitmore than doing laundry.
Colors must be separated from whites, light colors must be separated from dark colors, and no one really knows where boxers and jeans go. Towels are a whole different matter, along with sheets, hats and scarves. Apparently many shirts have their own individualized instructions on that tag on the back. One has to be a physics major to figure them out. Then, after you have separated your clothing into 15 different categories, you find out that some clothing even needs different temperatures of water. I’m still lost when it comes to bleach; I have no clue what you do with that stuff, as well as detergent. There’s the hard kind, the liquid kind, and this fabric softener concept is completely foreign to me.
If that wasn’t enough, there are all those impatient nuts that roam around the building. I put my clothing in the washing machine or dryer and plan to pick it up within a few days. As someone with a busy schedule as myself, it’s very difficult to find time for these things. Then some psycho who can’t wait a bit to put his clothing in decides to take out all my clothing and leave it on top of the machine.
Folding clothing is still way beyond me. If Abercrombie ‘ Fitch can make a ton of money selling pre-ripped clothing, then I’m sure the crumpled up clothing look will catch on soon enough.
Thus, I call for the complete termination of all laundry. Now is the time for change; now is the time for one time use clothing. In an era where everything else is already one time use, from cameras, bottles, shopping bags, etc, why not add just one more thing? Without laundry, people would have time to join such important groups as MassPIRG or the UMass Student Run Goat Herd club (which I just found out today really does exist).
As it is, clothing is cheap to make, with sweatshop laborers making five cents an hour. The only thing that would change would be an increase demand for clothing, which would mean more people with jobs. The price of clothing would drop to make it cheaper, and I would be able to leave my UMass laundry support group and never have to undergo such humiliating processes of laundry again. No longer would my confidence and self-esteem suffer.
Gilad Skolnick is a Collegian columnist.
