Gibbs done for the year after slipping on coaches product

By Collegian Sports Staff

Sophomore David Gibbs tore his ACL during a closed rehabilitation practice while playing 1-on-1 with Massachusetts men’s basketball coach Derek Kellogg.

Earlier this year, Gibbs broke his left foot during practice on Feb. 2 and missed the rest of the season.

A player who chose to remain off the record said Kellogg had to put more gel on his hair after he realized that he missed a spot earlier this morning. Somehow, Kellogg still managed to play tough UMass defense, the way he always preaches in practice.

The player watching the incident said that while Kellogg was multitasking his coaching and fashion responsibilities simultaneously, he spilled his bottle of gel on the floor, causing the point guard to slip.

UMass Media Relations confirmed the injury, but had no comment otherwise besides a brief statement.

“David Gibbs will not be playing for the Minutemen throughout the 2010-11 season due to unfortunate circumstances that went on while he was recovering from his broken foot,” the statement read.

The nameless player had plenty of criticism for his fallen point guard.

“It’s one thing to miss so much of the season because of a basketball-related injury, but he should’ve at least watched where he was going,” he said. “Everyone knows the only reason why we won our first Atlantic 10 tournament game in 2002 was because our coach doubled his usual gel intake.”

Junior Gary Correia was filling out his transfer papers for Boston University for the second time after Kellogg designated freshman Freddie Riley as the starting point guard for next year when he heard the news.

Correia stopped mid-signature and told Kellogg that he wants to finish out his senior year with the Minutemen before he becomes an assistant coach.

“I’m saddened to hear that Gibbs won’t be playing for us next year,” Correia said before rethinking his words. “F—k it, I can’t tell a lie. I just don’t want to play behind Gibbs. Otherwise, you’d never see me come to this part of Massachusetts again.”

UMass held an open practice later that day and, Kellogg surprised his team with a shaved haircut. Center Hashim Bailey stopped in the middle of a layup drill and fainted while the rest of the team just looked confused.

Gibbs talked to the media after practice and decided that basketball was no longer for him. He now has a part-time job with Bucci selling hair products to Amherst residents.

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Editor’s Note: April Fools.