In the 80’s and 90’s the video console market was flooded with Japanese-developed games. When these games were released in other regions, budding video game publishers would have the opportunity to market their games with box art of their choosing. Animators would be commissioned to draw realistic, action-packed depictions of the premise of the game. Sometimes, their knowledge of the games was lacking, to say the least. Sometime,s they would just take things way too far. Let’s go back and look at some of the silliest video game packaging we could dig up.
Megaman
Developed by Capcom
Published by Nintendo for the NES
This packaging is so terrible, in a way it might be one of the most famous examples of video game box artwork ever. For those unfamiliar with the game, Megaman is the story of a robotic kid who blows up an evil scientist’s robots for the purpose of saving the world. The robot himself looks like if Astro Boy met the blue Power Ranger. In this picture, however, we have a very serious man with golden armor and legs that twist at seemingly impossible angles standing on what seem to be sharp, golden butts extending out of the water during a sultry Miami night. Also, there are explosions, so whoa. The sequels all had pretty ugly covers, too.
Phalanx
Developed by ZOOM
Published by Nintendo for the SNES
This game is exactly the kind of game you think it is: A side-scrolling spaceship shooter. It says so right there in the print next to the ol’ overalls ‘n’ banjo bro, “THE HYPERSPEED SHOOT-OUT IN SPACE.” Maybe the idea was that you pilot the spaceship with that bearded man, and he would play his banjo to keep the engines cool and relax you so you could focus on blowing up the thousands of enemy ships this game throws at you. According to Wikipedia, however, this crumbly old man was put on Phalanx, “in order to attract the customer with something original considering there were many space shooters in the market that looked alike,”..
Abadox: The Deadly Inner War
Developed by Natsume, Milton Bradley for the U.S.
Published by Nintendo for the NES
Abadox. You vs. Them. The princess has been eaten by aliens. The hero, Luitenant Nazal, must use his space suit and save the princess from all the mean, evil alien bad guys. He floats around and uses his laser gun to blow up aliens and creepy space tigers. This box art doesn’t veer too far from the premise at all really, except for the whole being able to flinch while still looking forward with enough focus to shoot your rifle with perfect aim. He looks like he’s kneeing himself in the chest, poor guy.
Donkey Kong
Developed by Nintendo
Published by CBS Electronics for the Intellivision
Is that Burt Reynolds sporting a mullet and red tights? Whoever he is, he seem to be locked in serious Zeus hammer vs. Keg action with a gorilla that seethes evil from his pupil-less, yellow eyes and demonically razor-sharp teeth. Imagine playing Donkey Kong Country with that DK. Yikes. The girl in the cage looks absolutely terrified, probably because there isn’t anything to indicate the cage is being supported. The only visible surfaces in this world are rails; everything else looks like it descends into the void. The premise of Donkey Kong – jumping over barrels that a monkey throws at you to save a princess – is reflected here… just with a little terror thrown in to spice things up. Anyone purchasing this game must have been expecting a super intense man vs. gorilla fight for your life.
Chris Gross can be reached at [email protected].
