Grad students in the biological and veterinary science programs at the University of Massachusetts announced last Wednesday that they have created the first ever human-horse hybrid, a result some say is “scientifically remarkable” and others say is “a complete waste of money, time and resources.”
The grad students teamed up to create the hybrid, which has been heralded as the “scientific creation of the century” and “just plain weird” from science professionals across the country, in February 2012. Clyde Sniffton, UMass grad student and head of the project, said that he got the idea from a remark one of his professors made, referring to being “hung like a horse.”
“I never understood what he meant by that,” Sniffton said. “I started this project in search of the answer.”
The creation, which was named “Barton” by the grad students upon the completion of the project, was originally STPEC student Patrick “Patty” Kakes. After falling into the campus pond, Kakes was exposed to fatal toxins – which scientists suspect were a mixture of Bud Light, UMass sewage waste and general loss of dignity – approximately three months ago. His body was donated to scientific research based on his wishes in his last will and testament, which were found scrawled upon a half used rolling paper in his room.
The unknown toxins in the pond may have helped preserve his body and aid in the reanimation process during the project.
The project has been fully funded by the University and cost over $6.8 million. Vice Chancellor for Administration and Finance James Sheehan said that the project would aid the University in its attempt at securing the Guinness Book’s world record for “Most Expensive Waste of Time.”
“What could be more important than such an accomplishment as this upon this campus?” said Sheehan in an interview conducted using a telegram service. Sheehan denied allegations that the campus pond should be declared a hazardous waste site and refused comment on Kakes’ death.
The majority of the creation is human, with a variety horse parts attached. The most notable addition is the use of the horse’s full head on the body.
“Some girls told me we put the wrong horse parts on the human body,” said Sniffton. “I guess I just don’t understand what they meant.” Sniffton is also a board member of the UMass Celibacy Society.
The creature was unavailable for comment Sniffton said it was because he is still in fact a horse in mental state, and that horses have yet learned the ability to speak or think in verbal terms.
“All in all, it was a great use of resources and time,” Sniffton added. “I just wish we didn’t put the horses intestinal track in the man’s body. The lab is a mess.”
Perkins can be reached at [email protected]
