Massachusetts Daily Collegian

An unofficial presidential debate drinking game for the unruly masses

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DonkeyHotey/Flickr)

(DonkeyHotey/Flickr)

This has already been a long and stressful election season, and as it ramps up for the first presidential debate, we’ve come up with a way for you to wind down. For those of you of legal drinking age, we present the unofficial presidential debate drinking game.

The opening debate between Democratic nominee Hillary Clinton and Republican nominee Donald Trump will be held on Monday, Sept. 26 at Hofstra University in New York. For everyone not attending, it is crucial to prepare your viewing party ahead of time.

The debate will run from 9 p.m. to 10:30pm Eastern Standard Time, and there will be no commercial breaks so keep your beverages close and your sanity closer. You can watch the debate on C-SPAN, Fox, ABC, NBC, CBS, Fox News, CNN and MSNBC. ABC will also be livestreaming via Facebook Live.

The first debate, moderated by NBC news anchor Lester Holt, will be divided into three vague topics: “America’s direction,” “achieving prosperity” and “securing America.”

By the time the show begins, your party must be divided into teams, Team Trump and Team Clinton. If you were planning on supporting a third party candidate like Gary Johnson or Jill Stein we regret to inform you that unfortunately none of these candidates received the necessary 15 percent in national polls. Though Deez Nuts did pull an impressive nine percent in North Carolina.

The goals of the game are twofold. First, to become an active and well-informed participant in the body politic. Second, to win, to win so much you become sick of winning.

If this is your first election, choose two to three rules from your team section and the common law section to follow. However, if at this point you’re already jaded and disillusioned yet can’t stop watching, attempt to follow all rules for your team and common law rules. Because this will be an approximately 90-minute event, and these rules are completely untested, please know your own personal limits and drink responsibly.

Team Clinton, you will prepare the following drink:

The Hillary

  • Two shots of gin
  • Your favorite flavor of Capri Sun
  • A shot of lemon juice
The Capri Sun is added to appeal to the youth voters. Millennials love straws. Madeline Jackman/Daily Collegian

The Capri Sun is added to appeal to the youth voters. Millennials love straws. (Madeleine Jackman/Daily Collegian)

Here are the rules for Team Clinton:

  • If she coughs, sneezes or anyone mentions her having pneumonia, say “bless you” and take a sip of your drink.
  • If she talks about drones or air strikes, take two sips.
  • If she says that the rich need to pay their fair share, or presents a plan for reducing income inequality, take a sip from a Team Trump drink.
  • If she justifies her private email server, text an ex something with a wink face, and delete it from your phone immediately after sending. A Snapchat will also suffice.
  • If she responds to “make America great again” with a statement similar to “America is already great,” finish your drink.

Team Trump, you will prepare the following drink:

The Donald

  • Two shots of tequila
  • A shot of Fireball Whisky
  • Orange juice
  • Way too much salt around the rim of the glass
  • Crumbled Hot Cheetos on top (optional)
To disguise tiny hands, pour "The Donald" into the smallest cup you own. Madeleine Jackman/Daily Collegian

To disguise tiny hands, pour “The Donald” into the smallest cup you own.
(Madeleine Jackman/Daily Collegian)

Here are the rules for Team Trump:

  • If he says, “believe me” or vaguely refers to some great people he knows who have happened to say very helpful things, take a sip of your drink.
  • If he says the same sentence twice in a row, take two sips.
  • If he says that immigrants are deliberately hurting the U.S., take a sip from your neighbor’s drink.
  • Every time he says “win” or any variation of the word, clap.
  • If he talks about himself in the third person, give yourself a sobriety slap.
  • When he says, “make America great again,” finish your drink.

The common law section has rules that affect all players, and commemorates candidates who have lost along the way. Some rules require the optional Moderator drink, or the Bernie drink.

The Bernie

  • 99 percent local craft beer
  • One percent grain alcohol
Grain alcohol: because the one percent ruins everything. Madeleine Jackman/Daily Collegian

Grain alcohol: because the one percent ruins everything.
(Madeleine Jackman/Daily Collegian)

The Moderator

  • Watered-down vodka

Here are the common law rules:

  • If the Republican primary is mentioned, take a shot (of your choice) in honor of the many defeated.
  • If nuclear weapons are brought up by anyone, everyone does a Fireball shot, except for the first person on each team who yells “Swiss.”
  • If anyone says “Aleppo,” take a shot of your choice in honor of Gary Johnson.
  • If Trump says that he can’t be bought, or Clinton rips-off Sander’s higher education plans, take a sip from The Bernie.
  • If a candidate pivots, meaning they answer a different question than the one they were asked, everyone takes a sip from The Moderator, except for the person who called out the pivot.
  • If a party player says something body shaming toward Trump including, but not limited to insulting his hands or hair, or a party player says something sexist about Clinton, they have to give up their drink to a member of the other team.
  • If the moderator fact-checks someone who is wrong, balloons should fall from the ceiling and everyone takes a celebratory sip from The Moderator.

If you’ve made it through the debate, congratulations! You are now a more politically-educated citizen, but the work is not over yet. There are still three more debates to go, two months until the election and only moments before we’re speculating about 2020. Until then, be sure to follow the news, register to vote and start thinking about your own rules for the next debate.

Madeleine Jackman can be reached at [email protected] Chad Stoughton can be reached at [email protected]

1 Comment

One Response to “An unofficial presidential debate drinking game for the unruly masses”

  1. Bob Jones on September 26th, 2016 6:25 pm

    You forgot to include a shot for when they use the phrase “comprehensive immigration reform”.

If you want a picture to show with your comment, go get a gravatar.




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