By Hingle McCringleberry

Thirty seasons is just not enough. After announcing his retirement following the 2017 season last summer, Massachusetts baseball coach Mike Stone sent a fax to Athletic Director Ryan Bamford with two words, “I’m back.”

Bamford released a statement in response to Stone’s Jordan-esque announcement.

“To be honest, I didn’t even know we still had a baseball team,” Bamford said. “I’m just excited to have Matt McCall become part of the UMass family.”

While Stone’s decision may come as a surprise to many—talking to you, Bamford—Stone said a lot of thought was put into his decision. According to the longtime baseball coach he consulted his wife, his team and even an Amherst realtor.

“As the years have gone on, I’ve grown an affection for Earl Lorden Field,” Stone said. “So much so that I’m willing to call it my home. In fact, at the end of the season I plan on purchasing the dugouts and building a house upon them.”

Earl Lorden Field is not much to look at. The few bleachers offer minimal seating and the field itself is tucked away in the shadow of Mullins Center. When asked if the location was prime realty, realtor John McHome had a simple response.

“No.”

Stone said that he had a change of heart and at the conclusion of the Minutemen’s season, he plans to purchase the land and begin building his dream home—a dugout home.

“I want to own the field and the dugouts,” Stone said. “The home dugout would obviously be where I stay. The away dugout can be a guest house.”

The idea to build the home came to Stone in the form of a whisper, literally. Much like how Ray Casella was told to build a ball field by a mysterious voice in “Field of Dreams,” Stone said the voice he heard was very convincing.

“I was just sitting in the dugout one day in January and I head a whisper say, ‘If you build it, people at this school may start to care about this team,’” Stone said. “That was enough to convince me.”

While he wants to keep his plans for his new home confidential, he did offer a little insight into the additions.

Stone said he plans on building “multiple floors” above each dugout along with a basement below.

When asked if the University would be contributing any money to Stone’s endeavor, Bamford said, “Not until our football team can find a conference and can get some of that extra revenue.”

Coach Stone, you better start taking out loans.

Hingle McCringleberry can be reached at one of the 32 NFL teams or by screaming his name from the top of a mountain.