April 24, 2014

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How to name your smoking pipe

So, you bought a tobacco pipe over the weekend at Extravaganja. But like any good bowl or pipe, it will need a name that signifies its importance in your life. So how do you go about figuring out that name?

Naming a pipe is like naming a baby; if the name doesn’t fit it just won’t feel right. Sometimes a label will come right to you, other times it may take a while to think of one. Either way, take your time to discover and feel comfortable with the meaningful label you are about to bestow upon your new possession. While it might be funny to call your pipe “tits” at first, you will quickly get tired of it. Just because it was the first thing you thought about after buying it doesn’t mean that should be its name. The best name may take a while but once it fits, you will know you have found its match.

The first thing you should do is check out the color, as this can be a great indicator of a good name. Is it fire red? Name it Phoenix or Charizard. Like most smoking pipes, its form may consist of a mix of colors, so try and find a theme or pattern. For instance, if the colors seem to remind you of an underwater scene, Spongebob or Calypso would make a good name.

If there is a specific pattern that the paint makes on the pipe, take that into consideration. Does it have black and white spots? Honor it with a name reminiscent of a spotted animal, like a leopard. Or, take that idea and come up with something a little more exotic, such as Sex Panther.

So you have a few names in mind based on the color, but none of them really strike your fancy yet. What about the shape? Each pipe is handcrafted glass so try and figure out what the shape reminds you of. Sherlock Holmes is a great name for a pipe with a long curving stem. Or maybe it’s just a big bad smoking machine, and should be given a name like the Terminator or Samuel L. Jackson.

If you’re still not sure, give the pipe a test run. Is there anything particular about the way the smoke goes through? Maybe it hits hard and fast, or maybe it’s smooth like ice. Maybe you can pull a lot of smoke through at once, and calling it Sinkhole would be appropriate. Think about this when coming up with your name.

But maybe that still is not enough. In that case, get your friends’ opinions. Sometimes the best names come after a long discussion over a pipe or two. Maybe if you wander off topic and think of a fun inside joke, it may spark the idea as well. Someone could make a joke about George W. Bush, and you decide to call your bowl Dubya for short.

Perhaps you like a particular movie quote or a certain song strikes your fancy. If you are in the middle of watching The Lion King, the names Rafiki and Mufasa may work for you.

Of course, some names are extremely arbitrary and random. Think of a weird word, such as ectoplasm, and use it. It can make no sense, but may just fit perfectly. Your pipe may just be that random.

The name you give your pipe should be a name you can use as if you were addressing it personally. Remember, any good name will have some meaning attached to it that is significant to you or to the pipe itself; it is the personality of the pipe that counts the most.

Deciding what to call your pipe may take more than a few puffs, but with enough use, a perfect name will come naturally from your lungs.

Tappan Parker can be reached at rtparker@student.umass.edu.

Comments
20 Responses to “How to name your smoking pipe”
  1. matt says:

    some of the best information i have ever read

  2. Dylan says:

    Ditto

  3. Patricia says:

    Wow written so nicely.It also supports the actual importance of naming a well loved piece, It is art.

  4. Jonny Lightning says:

    I knew all this before i read it. Its common sense people, come on now I know you all are smarter than this.

  5. Hunter says:

    This is great, I killed so many brain cells at Extravaganja I forgot I was even supposed to name my pipe. I am naming it Parker in honor of the author, and because when I smoke that high grade tobaccy I am invariably parked somewhere within 20 minutes. Thank you for this enlightening article, keep up the good work!

  6. Scottie Pipe'N says:

    Vincent Van Dro
    Scottie Pipe’N
    Stony Dromo

    My last 3

    They don’t come to me at first but I’m workin on a new 1. Its kinda tough because I stick to the Half Baked style such as Wesley Pipes and Billy Bong Thornton…

  7. Richey says:

    I’ve got a bong named snorlax because it is big and puts you sleep. ive also got a small pipe that is easy to carry around and keep hidden that i call herbie

  8. Daniel Doobie says:

    U helped me a great deal with this article. Thanx!

  9. Chief says:

    This was unnesisary get something with a brand name 10 arm perc bubbler bong with 10 scientifically blown that means all 4 slits on each perc fire thats that’s 40 holes but back to the name Luke Wilson is the name of the company and I just used my sharp stone to gring up the tobacco I guess so this doesn’t look sketchy on the Internet but its all about the keif from the bottom chamber of a grinder cause that fine tobacco got me on another level and I came up with Luke skywalker start investing and get a collection going hope everyone enjoyed that post good advice for naming pieces still trying to name my 150$ worked slide with dark green light green and white swirls with a bottom and top bubbled worked red and blue any ideas would be appreciated it was from 42 degrees if your in the Michigan check it out good glass chief out

  10. Chief says:

    All 10 Percs fire ha chief out*

  11. smokeyooass420 says:

    i tried hard to name my first pipe . but i cant think of anything that fits it !! it small , clear with yellowish orange strips on the mouth peice . its made out of fairly thin glass .. it hits really good. for its size anyway
    this site help alot but i still dont know

  12. lololol244 says:

    Named mine squirtle. Squirtle says thank you.

  13. apo says:

    how about stitch

  14. TheBlazed says:

    Smokeyooass420, I wold recommend something like Simba or The Yellow Flash. Btw everyone, I read this while breaking in my newest, yellow, orange, and brown bowl. As soon as I saw Mufasa, I knew that was his name. Serendipity at her best :)

  15. NaliBumBum says:

    I named my first one Seymour… It’s just a little green metal pipe that can be like transformed into a mushroom… My brother gave it to me.

  16. Heather says:

    Named mine GIGGLES ‘-)

  17. Joe Henry says:

    1. Casper
    2. Blue rhino
    3. Loner
    4. Red Dragon
    5. Brotherly love
    6. Tim Allen …. R.I.P.
    7. Rufus

  18. Totally says:

    Loved this piece. Phenominally written. Blissfully enlightening to read. Baffling personal insight on when you just can’t seem to get the right name it’s like a scratch in the middle of your back. Thank you.

  19. smokahontas says:

    I named a small clear and yellow swirled pipe daisy cutter, cute but also the name of a bomb.
    The bong I had with 40 percs was the professor because it reminded me of a lab.
    I just helped my friend name his steggy because it looked like a dinosaur.
    Another was fire breather because it hits crazy and has red and looks mean, dragon was too bland.
    And also Lochness for the sea creature shaped blue & green pipe

  20. smokahontas says:

    And a friend once had an elephant pipe where the trunk was the mouth piece and the colors reminded us of the disco so we named it elefunk

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