Did you miss us? The Massachusetts Morning Wood announces the opening of Amherst’s hottest new club Blue Wall, explores Chancellor Subbaswamy’s upsetting Twitter posts about the Super Bowl guest policy, includes John Calipari’s declaration that he is most definitely better than any of you reading this, invites you to join the new berry trend that’s popular at Frank, and bridges the ever so exciting debate about tearing down the Hasbrouck fence.

News

UMass unveils new nightclub in center of campus
Blue Wall, the newly renovated eatery in the Campus Center, will become a teen nightclub after 10 p.m.

Student businesses begin accepting Bitcoin
Employees hope shift will teach students about ‘real world’ transactions.

Reports reveal Subbaswamy unhappy with Super Bowl guest policy
UMass Chancellor reportedly just “wanted to get drunk off of cheap beer” with his friends.

Opinion

Mr. Subbaswamy, don’t tear down this fence
A UMass English professor says we must keep the Hasbrouck Fence as a symbol of victory in the decades-long fight for exclusivity at the University.

Mr. Subbaswamy, tear down this fence
Captain Beefheart argues that Chancellor Subbaswamy must take action to remove the biggest barrier to student achievement on campus.

Blarney policies didn’t go far enough
P.R. Paranoia argues that the Vice Chancellor for Crowd Control’s timid “Blarney Blowout” policies didn’t stop students from making UMass look bad.

Strong year ahead for powerful student leaders
Blinders Tunnelvision applauds the power of the Student Government Association to make a real difference in the lives of students.

Sports

John Calipari: I’m better than you, UMass, and we both know it
The former UMass basketball coach discusses his feelings towards his former home.

Complete list of athletic director finalists revealed
A source on the athletic director search committee was floored to hear of finalist Jim Fiore’s background, and the Morning Wood obtained documents further explaining the committee’s focus.

UMass hockey begins movement to eliminate third period
After a year of disappointments in the final period of regulation, coach John Micheletto has requested to rid the sport of the last 20 minutes.

Arts

Nickelback to replace marching band at football games next season
Head football coach Mark Whipple cites desire to “go big or go home” in decision to hire multi-platinum band.

Vary your diet with Franklin specials
For students looking for a change of pace from Blue Wall, Franklin Dining Commons can provide a “berry” healthy alternative.

Nicolas Cage: A national treasure
A retrospective on the best actor of the last thirty years.