The University of Massachusetts just announced they are going to be holding their first ever silent disco on the top floor of the W.E.B. DuBois library this Thursday night! So, if you’ve ever speculated about what’s hidden on the “faculty commons” floor (monkey test labs? An endless supply of lentils for the dining hall?), now we know: they’ve been hiding a secret nightclub. Finally, they’re opening it up for everyone at UMass with this event.

If you have not been enlightened on this new phenomenon called silent disco, it is when people gather to listen to their own music through headphones and dance their hearts out in a silent room.  This nightclub will be equipped with everything you could possibly need for a prom-esque night of dancing: a small dance floor where everyone can crowd in and dance really close, a local-hire DJ with some new and cutting-edge mixes, non-alcoholic beverages and catering from Chipotle and of course several adult chaperones. If you go to this event, you’re sure to have the most fun you’ve had since your high school homecoming dance. And if it goes well, UMass has promised to make this a weekly treat!

Chancellor Kumble Subbaswamy is hoping that this event will encourage students to partake in safe and fun weekend activities. As UMass’ reputation as an institution of academic excellence is growing, the University is trying to move away from the name “ZooMass.” The school is trying to run more events like the Blarney concert to keep kids out of frat houses and under University supervision, where the consumption of alcohol and other illicit substances can be under authorized watch.

What better way to promote wholesome and healthy fun than with a silent disco… in a library! Silent discos are in essence a very wholesome activity, as they reduce noise pollution, allowing people to throw a party literally anywhere. And rather than screaming over blaring music at a crowded bar or house party, at a silent disco you can easily talk to the people around you, allowing you to make new friends. Then you take this wholesome event and put it in a library, and you have the most wholesome event ever at UMass.

You could even use this event as a study break. It’s Thursday night, you’re in the library late studying, writing your comp lit midterm paper and you need to move and groove to loosen up and get your ideas flowing: just pop up to the 26th floor of the library, put on your headphones and dance your worries away. It’ll get your blood flowing and your mind going, and then you can go back to your laptop and knock that paper out of the park!

If this event is successful, the silent disco is about to be the next big thing everyone will be doing on Thursday nights. Forget about all the bars and the frat houses and the house parties, if this event is as ‘hip and happening’ as promised, everyone is going to be heading on down to the library on Thursday nights from here on out. And you won’t want to miss out on being one of the first to hop on this trend.

After speaking with several students on campus, it seems that quite literally everyone is going to be there: all of Greek life, star athletes and everyone who is anyone at UMass.

An anonymous UMass fraternity brother said, “I can’t freakin’ wait for this silent disco, man. It’s going to be so lit. Everyone can listen to whatever they want, and dance with all their boys in DuBois. I mean, I can’t think of anything better than that. And it’s going to be on the top floor of the library, I mean what a view!”

So, next Thursday when you’re sitting in your dorm with your friends thinking to yourselves: “What should we do tonight?”, look no further than the W.E.B DuBois library. Head on down with your music queued up and your headphones charged and spend the whole night dancing with your friends in a safe, controlled environment. And be sure to get there early, as this event is expected to fill up fast!

The Supreme can be reached at: I’m a witch. I don’t use email.