Happy Ending: A review of The Spoke Line, Amherst’s hottest new club

Nightlife in Amherst just got longer

Daily+Collegian+%282016%29

Daily Collegian (2016)

By Love Towait, Licensed Party Animal

Editor’s Note: The following column is satirical. It is meant for humorous purposes. All interviews and individuals are fictitious.

There’s a new nightclub in town and it is quite the popular spot. Rivaling the likes of The Spoke, Stacker’s Pub and McMurphy’s Uptown Tavern, The Spoke Line is consistently packed and popping all weekend. After hearing many friends and acquaintances talk about how much time they spend there each night, I had to investigate it for myself.

Located conveniently right next to The Spoke, The Spoke Line is an L-shaped venue where Amherst’s 21-and-up community have gathered recently. After visiting a couple of nights in a row, I deduced that the best time to arrive is around 10 p.m., when the club is at its busiest. The entrance to The Spoke Line changes depending on the amount of people already there, but you often have to enter near the parking lot side rather than the North Pleasant Street side.

Those with VIP connections may enter through other points of the venue, such as by the big red stop sign at the corner of the L. From that point onwards, the club has VIP-only perks such as benches to sit on or a coveted patio heater during cold months. It is possible for those in general admission to reach VIP status through an arduous waiting process.

As for music, The Spoke Line is not your traditional club. To protect guests’ ears, The Spoke Line offers a wide range of muffled party music where the bass often dominates over vocals. The club’s music offerings are eerily reminiscent of the music played at The Spoke, but is enjoyable nonetheless.

The Spoke Line operates on a bring your own drink service rather than employing bartenders, which is rather economical on its part. If you are also looking to be economical, there are often a few free drink offerings located on the ground by the walls where you can take a sip or two.

Legend has it that if you are at The Spoke Line long enough, you gain instant access to The Spoke. Nobody I know has been at The Spoke Line long enough to receive that privilege, so I’m guessing it’s a myth. After a couple of hours spent at The Spoke Line, vibing with friends and taking lukewarm sips of free seltzers while listening to the muffled bass of Drake’s newest album, I’m ready for bed.

The Spoke Line is a great place for a night out. With a busy atmosphere, ear-sensitive music and long opening hours, I can’t imagine going anywhere else. Just make sure to wear a jacket there this winter – its central heating system doesn’t seem to be working yet.

Love Towait can be found in the VIP section of The Spoke Line, but don’t bother her because she waited three days to get there.