Fall semester is right around the corner. With course registration having just opened, students are noticing some changes to the course offerings at the University of Massachusetts. The Morning Wood has inside information about some of the new changes coming to UMass next semester.
To the shock of many, biology was removed from the list of undergraduate programs. Faculty say this decision came from campus surveys, where their peers often refer to biology students as “insufferable.” Additionally, the geography major has been removed from the undergraduate programs for reasons that should be obvious.
Upon a routine check of the architecture on the UMass campus, architecture and other related majors have been removed. University faculty say this decision was based on “a strong desire to save future cities from the mess that is our campus.”
In an attempt to quell the STEM major superiority complex, Chancellor Kumble Subbaswamy signed off on getting rid of half of the STEM courses that were to be offered next semester, forcing STEM majors to take humanities courses with their “less intelligent” peers.
Morning Wood reporters reached out to several STEM students to comment on Chancellor Subbaswamy’s decision, but all of them refused to speak with journalists who don’t understand the intricacies and complexities of their course work.
Several Isenberg classes have also been taken away due to the extremely low demand and poor grades, such as business ethics and the entirety of the management major’s core classes.
Not all these edits have been negative. Several courses and majors have been added and expanded. The turfgrass management major, for example, has doubled in size from one person to two people. This news shocked many on campus, and caused a recent spike in google searches for, “what is turfgrass management?”
In an effort to return to its roots, UMass has added several classes, majors and concentrations to help students connect with the agriculture of the campus. Goose farming has been added as a concentration to the animal sciences major. Goose herding has been added as a class and is expected to be very successful in its first semester.
Goose whispering has been added as a general education course, required for both undergraduate and graduate students of all majors. In addition to this class, for the first time in UMass history, geese are allowed to register for classes. This comes in the wake of an effort by the university to integrate the geese into the campus community.
Morning Wood reporters reached out to the leader of the gaggle of geese to see how they felt about these new changes, who commented, “hoooooonnnkkkk,” and proceeded to chase reporters around the campus pond.
Though nothing is set in stone, we can expect these changes and many more to affect course registration for next semester. Students and geese are encouraged to take some extra time to review the course catalog on SPIRE before their registration date.
Humana Teas is a Morning Wood correspondent and can be found graduating with honors (what, like it’s hard?).
