Massachusetts Daily Collegian

A free and responsible press serving the UMass community since 1890

A free and responsible press serving the UMass community since 1890

Massachusetts Daily Collegian

A free and responsible press serving the UMass community since 1890

Massachusetts Daily Collegian

Satire: Tinder is NOT a dating app

It’s the new Pokémon Go, you gotta match with them all
Flickr File Photo.

At the University of Massachusetts, a large chunk of the student body is on Tinder. The app essentially made students say goodbye to meeting each other organically. Some people join to actually meet people or create a relationship. Some join just for hookups. But a majority join the app as a means for mere entertainment.

Creating one’s profile is an event in and of itself. What self-obsessed person wouldn’t love compiling the best photos of themselves? It’s just like creating a character profile in video games. You get to choose which hairstyles and outfits you’ve worn — even if it’s unrealistic to your daily look. Not to mention all of the editing that must take place before the photos are uploaded. It’s likely that students who have Tinder on their phones also have some sort of Facetune or editing app.

Adding your interests is another fun aspect of the app. Listing interests such as “ice cream” or “kayaking” clearly give possible matches the best idea of who you are, right? You should only add the most important stuff on Tinder. It keeps swiping clear and concise!

On Tinder, you get to be the best version of yourself. Or the version of yourself you want to be. For many, this means not looking or acting like your true self at all.

Once profiles are made and students get swiping, the app is essentially nothing more than a game of hot or not. The repetitive swiping and the glorified feeling a user gets when the “You matched!” screen pops up is addicting. Lots of guys check their Tinder profiles as often as they check Clash of Clans, which is certainly a problem.

As superficial as it sounds, many Tinder users are just using the app to gather collections of the hottest people at UMass.

The first photo is always the most important, so guys should avoid just putting a photo of their puppy. While it’s cute, it’s not the type of entertainment many girls are looking for.

Junior Lon Lee, a frequent Tinder user, said her friends often play Tinder roulette. “It’s the worst feeling when we accidentally swipe left on an attractive guy,” Lee said.

Often, many friends  within the same group end up matching with the same people. This is hard to prevent but it’s made students realize that Tinder is similar to Pokémon Go. You gotta catch them all!

Brunettes, blondes and gingers all have different stats, just like different Pokémon. Brunettes are the kindest, blondes have matched with nearly everyone on the app and gingers are lucky to get a match at all.

If a student does meet up with a Tinder match, they are often jolted when they realize their supposedly 6-foot-2-inch match is actually 5-foot-9.  No man is ever honest about their height on their profile. To all the tall girls out there, stay safe. There’s no telling what else people on Tinder lie about.

Tinder is no longer a good place to meet others and perhaps start a meaningful relationship with them. It is nothing more than a glorified video game. To anyone who uses the app or is thinking about downloading it, make sure you don’t get played.

Julia Bragg can be reached at [email protected].

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