The human species is suffering. All across the planet, we are faltering physically, spirituality and emotionally. We are dumber than we used to be. We are not as fit as we used to be. We are not as happy as we used to be. There is a reason: the entire decline of our species can be traced back to the new development of the latest social trend: the handwritten letter.
Handwritten letters, or as the young people call them, ‘letties,’ emerged as the trendiest new form of communication late last year. In the short span of time since then, they have caused a massive decline in human development, especially in younger generations. Today, America’s college students have become obsessed with writing letters and nothing else. This has concerned and aggravated the elders in their lives, include Mabel Smith, mother of letter-writer Robert Smith, aged 19.
“Robert was an honors student with a 3.5 GPA. But now he is too concerned with his ‘letties.’ He doesn’t do his homework because he has to write, and I’ve even gotten phone calls from his school saying he writes letters in class. It’s a major distraction and his grades are suffering because of it,” said Mabel Smith. Robert’s grade point average has dropped a full point since the technology became popular. After facing expulsion due to his plummeting grades, Robert was forced to move back into his mother’s home. Robert is currently the most famous letter writer in the country. His letters, which are called “Bobbie’s Letters,” regularly reach over 1,500 people each week.
“Letties have given me a purpose. I’ve got fans now. I need to write to them because if I don’t write to them who does? School lasts for what, a few years? Letties last forever,” Robert says as he finishes writing a letter to one of his classmates from Physics 101.
The process of writing a letter is time consuming. It starts off with acquiring the proper equipment. This includes a piece of blank paper and a ballpoint pen (Robert says that using a number two pencil is an amateur decision, as the lead can fade away). After gathering the necessary materials, one can then “write” the letter. Robert tells me that the letter can be about anything. “Sometimes I write about what I had for breakfast, other times it’s just me saying a joke. I’ve gotten letties that were pages and pages but then I’ve also written letties that were one sentence long. Sometimes they just say ‘hi.’” After the letter is completed, the writer puts it into an “envelope,” which is another piece of paper, and addresses it to the receiver.
“The waiting part of it sucks” says 18-year-old Elizabeth, another letter writer. “Sometimes I find myself waiting by the mailbox for hours, and those are the good days.” The idle time that accompanies letter-writing is single-handedly responsible for the sudden decline in American production, particularly in our college-aged population. People are waiting at the mailboxes constantly. As I drove to Mabel and Robert’s home, I saw eight children sitting at their mailboxes. Since the introduction of letter writing, it has grown and is continually expanding across the country. “I’ve written a letter to a student at Penn State,” Robert said. This letter was the first to cross state lines. Robert hopes to write a letter to a recipient in another country one day
One shouldn’t, however, gloss over the side effects of letter writing. Some of the most intense letter writers like Robert have developed hunchbacks and other odd physical deformities. “His left hand is much weaker than the right,” said Mabel. “He writes with his right hand so much that his left hand gets no practice. He has difficulty holding cups and utilities in his left hand.”
Letter writing is affecting college students physically and mentally. Among the young letter writers, no one is talking anymore. “They only communicate through letter writing,” said Kumble Subbaswamy, the chancellor of the University of Massachusetts. “Some of the professors will ask a question and the students write letters in order to answer them. The letters have a huge negative affect on students’ verbal communication.”
“I haven’t talked in a long time,” Robert admits. “It’s unnatural. I would rather write it because then it would count as another letter.” This was the only time Robert spoke to me. The rest of our conversation occurred via letters.
If the letter writing trend continues, it’s only a matter of time until that the human species ceases to be productive and becomes a collective group. “I don’t know what to do,” Mabel says. “I don’t like this form of communication. It’s scary and obsessive. It’s consuming my son.”
Marline cannot be reached via letter writing as she is only a speaker. This entire article was transcribed by Robert Smith, who believes that writing this article will help him achieve his goal of sending a letter across state boarders.