Morning Wood: Wind tunnel around library hate crimes student

Library now faces lawsuit

Shilpa+Sweth%2F+Daily+Collegian

Shilpa Sweth/ Daily Collegian

By Paige Turner, Morning Wood Hater

The tallest red-brick academic library in the world hate-crimed junior legal studies major Sue Mclovin yesterday afternoon. Wind tunnels traveling at speeds of 60 miles per hour, or a mile a minute, around the building aggressively blew off her hijab, or religious head covering, and exposed her to the public before she could take cover.

“I suddenly heard everyone gasp and compliment my new haircut,” said Mclovin. “That’s when I knew that my headscarf had been forced off.”

Mclovin, a devout Muslim who covers her hair every day, is suing the building for emotional damage. This comes after a string of allegations against the building for spitting on students passing by. If found guilty, it will be demoted to the second largest red brick academic library in the world, with the Burj Khalifa taking its place.

Winds on campus have been traveling at record speed in the past week, sparing no one from its wrath. Campus officials will meet this Saturday afternoon to discuss alternate weather plans for campus.

“As a public university, we pride ourselves in being a welcoming campus,” said a University spokesperson. “With the new ‘weather nuisance’ fee added to student bills, we are amping up our efforts to abolish wind tunnels on campus”

The weather department of the University is hoping to increase rain, sleet and ice as a replacement for the flagship campus’ weather nuisances.

Paige Turner can be reached on the 27th  floor of the library.